1 00:00:08,940 --> 00:00:13,360 48 hours until the wedding 2 00:00:20,870 --> 00:00:22,830 Strip! 3 00:00:24,870 --> 00:00:28,170 Neck is sixteen and a half. 4 00:00:29,420 --> 00:00:31,090 Shoulder is twenty-two. 5 00:00:31,090 --> 00:00:33,090 And the sleeve is 25 and 5/8. 6 00:00:33,510 --> 00:00:35,130 I thought the rental tuxes were fine. 7 00:00:35,430 --> 00:00:36,720 They were not fine. 8 00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,000 (Spanish muttering) 9 00:00:39,250 --> 00:00:40,680 They were kind of stodgy, Brian. 10 00:00:41,020 --> 00:00:42,390 My little pepito Chase is not going to 11 00:00:42,600 --> 00:00:44,310 walk down the aisle in a cheap suit 12 00:00:44,610 --> 00:00:45,810 from some fat kid's bar mitzvah! 13 00:00:46,060 --> 00:00:47,560 You guys are the best! 14 00:00:47,810 --> 00:00:49,400 Of course we are. 15 00:00:49,690 --> 00:00:51,280 Pants! 16 00:00:52,530 --> 00:00:55,700 You can really make two tuxes in just a couple of days? 17 00:00:55,950 --> 00:00:57,410 Sweetie, I once made an entire ball gown 18 00:00:57,660 --> 00:00:59,250 in four hours our of nothing but 19 00:00:59,590 --> 00:01:00,830 a shower curtain, crazy glue, and 20 00:01:01,180 --> 00:01:02,000 a box of fruity pebbles! 21 00:01:02,250 --> 00:01:03,080 We got this. 22 00:01:03,330 --> 00:01:04,580 Strip! 23 00:01:06,290 --> 00:01:09,290 Did Brian tell you how much fun we had at his bachelor party? 24 00:01:09,540 --> 00:01:12,170 No. What did you crazy teachers get into? 25 00:01:12,420 --> 00:01:14,170 We went out for fondu! 26 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,000 Really? 27 00:01:16,220 --> 00:01:17,720 Oh it was crazy, alright! 28 00:01:18,000 --> 00:01:20,050 I wanted to hire a stripper, but Brian wouldn't let me. 29 00:01:20,300 --> 00:01:21,000 Pants! 30 00:01:21,250 --> 00:01:22,390 Do I have to? 31 00:01:23,310 --> 00:01:26,310 Chase, how did you of all people end up with a shy fiancé? 32 00:01:26,310 --> 00:01:28,230 Opposites attract? 33 00:01:28,230 --> 00:01:29,520 They must. 34 00:01:29,520 --> 00:01:31,500 Francine, you should have called me. 35 00:01:31,750 --> 00:01:34,250 My gogo buddies would have loved to give Brian his big send off! 36 00:01:34,500 --> 00:01:35,250 See Brian! 37 00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:36,900 That's what I was trying to avoid! 38 00:01:37,150 --> 00:01:39,240 Hell, I could have done it myself. 39 00:01:40,410 --> 00:01:44,620 Hey there-- tall, pale, and almost married. 40 00:01:45,450 --> 00:01:49,000 You want to get lucky one last time before you tie the knot? 41 00:01:49,250 --> 00:01:50,880 I'm sorry, I'm taken. 42 00:01:51,130 --> 00:01:53,130 Really? 43 00:01:53,380 --> 00:01:55,880 What if I...? 44 00:01:56,130 --> 00:01:58,180 (whispers) 45 00:01:58,330 --> 00:01:59,430 Yep! 46 00:02:01,850 --> 00:02:04,100 Fittings over. I'm taking this stripper home! 47 00:02:05,060 --> 00:02:07,100 Do I want to know what you are doing? 48 00:02:07,100 --> 00:02:09,810 I'm just checking to make sure that I can still carry him over the threshold. 49 00:02:10,060 --> 00:02:11,250 He's been putting on weight. 50 00:02:11,550 --> 00:02:14,150 You're up to what? One percent body fat now? 51 00:02:14,400 --> 00:02:15,820 We could have had strippers! 52 00:02:16,070 --> 00:02:21,990 It wouldn't matter. You'd never top the crazy bachelor party that Fantasia is throwing for Chase tomorrow! 53 00:02:22,870 --> 00:02:25,500 What are you talking about? You're the one planning the party! 54 00:02:25,750 --> 00:02:27,000 No, you said you wanted to. 55 00:02:27,250 --> 00:02:30,370 Yes but then you hit me with "Oh he's my little pequito, I should be the one to..." 56 00:02:30,620 --> 00:02:32,920 Every time you break into Spanish you know you're wrong! 57 00:02:33,170 --> 00:02:35,840 Guys! I don't need a bachelor party! 58 00:02:36,250 --> 00:02:37,590 You're having a party! 59 00:02:37,840 --> 00:02:39,050 Don't pass the buck on to me! 60 00:02:39,250 --> 00:02:44,890 I still can't believe it! In just two days my little boy is getting married! 61 00:02:46,100 --> 00:02:49,100 We did it! 62 00:02:49,350 --> 00:02:52,020 Hey! I'm the one who proposed! Don't I get any credit? 63 00:02:54,060 --> 00:02:56,820 Let them have the win. They've been at this for a while. 64 00:02:58,280 --> 00:03:01,360 This is my wonderful son, Brian. 65 00:03:01,610 --> 00:03:04,330 And let me tell you, he is a CATCH! 66 00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,000 He's smart, funny, a good cook. 67 00:03:07,250 --> 00:03:09,300 But a little on the shy side. 68 00:03:09,550 --> 00:03:12,880 He's not shy! He just takes a while to warm up to people 69 00:03:13,130 --> 00:03:15,630 So as soon as he graduated college 70 00:03:15,880 --> 00:03:19,420 My sister Rose and I introduced him to the perfect girl! 71 00:03:19,670 --> 00:03:23,200 Sally Anne McGruber, the niece of our next door neighbor. 72 00:03:23,450 --> 00:03:25,510 But she and Brian didn't hit it off. 73 00:03:25,760 --> 00:03:28,600 So then we tried Lucy Van Meersborgen. 74 00:03:28,850 --> 00:03:30,100 Also a swing and a miss. 75 00:03:30,350 --> 00:03:32,300 So then we tried Daisy 76 00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,000 Susie, Camille, Joanne So then we tried Daisy 77 00:03:33,000 --> 00:03:34,800 Susie, Camille, Joanne 78 00:03:34,900 --> 00:03:35,550 Don't forget Erica. 79 00:03:35,650 --> 00:03:41,650 Jamie, Josie, Piper, Ashley, Emma, Ava, Letticia, Felicia, Abigail... 80 00:03:41,800 --> 00:03:43,000 And Zoe! 81 00:03:43,250 --> 00:03:45,000 And Brian didn't go for any of them! 82 00:03:45,250 --> 00:03:48,950 Which is when I realized that we might be barking up the wrong tree. 83 00:03:49,200 --> 00:03:52,300 And that's when we found Chase! 84 00:03:52,550 --> 00:03:54,540 He didn't make the best first impression. 85 00:03:54,790 --> 00:03:55,750 Says you! 86 00:03:56,000 --> 00:04:00,420 But then we got to talking. And he was sweet and funny. 87 00:04:00,460 --> 00:04:02,360 And he has the cutest little keyster. 88 00:04:02,610 --> 00:04:03,300 Not the point! 89 00:04:03,550 --> 00:04:05,010 But it doesn't hurt. 90 00:04:05,260 --> 00:04:09,060 Anyway, I knew. I just knew 91 00:04:09,310 --> 00:04:13,940 that this was the person who could finally make my son happy! 92 00:04:19,280 --> 00:04:20,440 You've got the license? 93 00:04:20,690 --> 00:04:21,190 Yeah mom. 94 00:04:21,440 --> 00:04:22,820 And you double checked with the florist? 95 00:04:23,070 --> 00:04:23,470 Yep 96 00:04:23,720 --> 00:04:24,600 And with the limo driver? 97 00:04:24,700 --> 00:04:25,600 We're not getting a limo. 98 00:04:25,700 --> 00:04:26,200 What? 99 00:04:26,450 --> 00:04:28,350 Mom, we live three blocks from the church. 100 00:04:28,500 --> 00:04:29,300 We'll walk. 101 00:04:29,550 --> 00:04:31,150 You can't walk to your wedding! 102 00:04:31,400 --> 00:04:33,150 What about the tin cans! 103 00:04:33,400 --> 00:04:35,210 And the JUST MARRIED sign? 104 00:04:35,460 --> 00:04:38,250 Mom! Aunt Rose! We're walking. 105 00:04:39,840 --> 00:04:41,630 Okay. 106 00:04:41,920 --> 00:04:43,200 Wait! Chase! 107 00:04:43,450 --> 00:04:46,100 I was making the seating plan for the reception... 108 00:04:46,350 --> 00:04:47,300 We have a seating plan? 109 00:04:47,550 --> 00:04:48,430 We do now. 110 00:04:48,680 --> 00:04:53,270 And you left all of your family off the guest list! How many people do you think are coming? 111 00:04:53,520 --> 00:04:55,520 My family's not real big on gay weddings. 112 00:04:55,770 --> 00:04:57,900 But some will be there right? 113 00:04:58,700 --> 00:05:00,070 What about your dad? 114 00:05:00,320 --> 00:05:01,230 Dead. 115 00:05:01,480 --> 00:05:02,250 Your mom? 116 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,700 Not yet. But here's hoping! 117 00:05:05,280 --> 00:05:07,750 Chase Hill! How can you say such a thing? 118 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:09,750 Easy. I've met her. 119 00:05:09,850 --> 00:05:10,600 But... 120 00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:13,850 Mom. Aunt Rose. Drop it. 121 00:05:23,500 --> 00:05:26,500 Can you imagine not inviting your mother to your wedding? 122 00:05:26,750 --> 00:05:28,000 Yeah, but it's what Chase wants. 123 00:05:28,150 --> 00:05:29,470 It's what he thinks he wants. 124 00:05:29,720 --> 00:05:32,720 Mae! You're not going to meddle, are you? 125 00:05:32,970 --> 00:05:33,930 Of course not. 126 00:05:34,170 --> 00:05:37,940 Even though it's going to throw a pall over my son's perfect wedding. 127 00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:39,440 Where are you going? 128 00:05:39,690 --> 00:05:44,320 And it's the last chance that Chase will have to makeup with his mom. 129 00:05:44,470 --> 00:05:45,100 Mae! 130 00:05:45,350 --> 00:05:50,280 And deep down, I know that Chase really misses her. 131 00:05:51,750 --> 00:05:53,200 So we're gonna meddle? 132 00:05:53,450 --> 00:05:56,750 Well Rose, if you insist! 133 00:06:05,500 --> 00:06:07,050 How's this one? 134 00:06:08,000 --> 00:06:10,760 Don't you have anything more conservative? 135 00:06:11,010 --> 00:06:13,430 More conservative than this? 136 00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:14,700 Crazy! 137 00:06:14,950 --> 00:06:17,850 Mae? Rose? 138 00:06:18,770 --> 00:06:21,900 Chase! Good to see you! 139 00:06:23,250 --> 00:06:24,820 Sit down and have some bacon! 140 00:06:25,070 --> 00:06:25,780 Thanks! 141 00:06:26,360 --> 00:06:28,240 So how's Brian doing? 142 00:06:28,490 --> 00:06:32,620 There's a thing with the caterer. 143 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:35,800 But you know Brian, he's all over it. 144 00:06:36,900 --> 00:06:38,120 So what's the big secret? 145 00:06:38,370 --> 00:06:39,500 Secret? 146 00:06:39,750 --> 00:06:42,840 Last minute brunch? Just me? 147 00:06:43,500 --> 00:06:45,050 You two are up to something. 148 00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:45,800 Well... 149 00:06:46,050 --> 00:06:50,350 Rose and I just wanted to spend a little time with you before the wedding. 150 00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:51,590 And that's all? 151 00:06:52,050 --> 00:06:53,430 Why so suspicious? 152 00:06:53,680 --> 00:06:55,300 Because I know you. 153 00:06:55,550 --> 00:06:57,150 I love you. But I know you. 154 00:06:57,400 --> 00:06:58,750 Stop being ridiculous. 155 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,500 You want some syrup with that? 156 00:07:00,750 --> 00:07:04,900 Mae and I sure are looking forward to the wedding. 157 00:07:05,150 --> 00:07:07,550 Yeah. I kind of got that. 158 00:07:07,550 --> 00:07:12,200 But it's such a shame that your mother won't be there. 159 00:07:13,250 --> 00:07:14,700 So that's the big plan? 160 00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,300 You guys are going to try and talk me in to calling my mom? 161 00:07:17,550 --> 00:07:18,850 Of course not. 162 00:07:19,100 --> 00:07:21,400 But I think if you would just talk... 163 00:07:21,650 --> 00:07:24,100 My mom and I don't talk. We yell. 164 00:07:25,170 --> 00:07:26,500 I'll get it! 165 00:07:27,450 --> 00:07:28,800 Who's that? 166 00:07:29,050 --> 00:07:30,800 Well, I just thought... 167 00:07:31,050 --> 00:07:32,840 Tell me you didn't do this! 168 00:07:33,090 --> 00:07:35,140 You left me no choice! 169 00:07:35,390 --> 00:07:39,500 If you don't invite your mother to this wedding she will never speak to you again! 170 00:07:39,750 --> 00:07:41,250 What did you tell her? 171 00:07:41,400 --> 00:07:44,250 That you're getting married, and she needs to speak with you. 172 00:07:44,500 --> 00:07:47,000 Chase! How's my boy? 173 00:07:48,820 --> 00:07:51,110 I'm fine. Are you okay? 174 00:07:52,280 --> 00:07:54,110 And you must be Mrs. Davis. 175 00:07:54,360 --> 00:07:55,250 Call me Mae. 176 00:07:55,500 --> 00:07:58,120 Irene. Thank you so much for inviting me. 177 00:07:58,370 --> 00:08:02,120 I cannot believe this one was going to get married and not even tell me! 178 00:08:02,370 --> 00:08:04,370 Well you know, Mom. The way we left things... 179 00:08:04,500 --> 00:08:06,920 And that's your excuse for not inviting me to your wedding? 180 00:08:07,170 --> 00:08:08,800 I didn't think you would come. 181 00:08:09,000 --> 00:08:12,260 Chase, all I have ever wanted is to see you settle down and be happy. 182 00:08:12,510 --> 00:08:15,610 Really? You'll come to my wedding? 183 00:08:15,760 --> 00:08:17,430 Of course I will! 184 00:08:17,680 --> 00:08:19,890 Now come here you little rascal! 185 00:08:25,000 --> 00:08:26,600 Mom, you don't know what this means to me. 186 00:08:26,850 --> 00:08:29,020 Okay, don't go blubbering on me. 187 00:08:29,270 --> 00:08:31,690 We've got a lot to catch up on. 188 00:08:31,940 --> 00:08:35,610 See! I knew that we could work this out. 189 00:08:35,860 --> 00:08:38,990 Welcome to the family Irene. 190 00:08:39,240 --> 00:08:40,870 Thank you, Mae! 191 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:41,750 Muffin? 192 00:08:42,000 --> 00:08:43,000 Please! 193 00:08:43,910 --> 00:08:48,170 Now Mae, when do I get to meet this wonderful daughter of yours? 194 00:08:51,670 --> 00:08:55,630 She doesn't have a daughter, mom. I'm marrying her son, Brian. 195 00:08:55,880 --> 00:08:57,250 I see. 196 00:08:57,500 --> 00:09:00,600 So this is why you wanted me to talk to him. 197 00:09:00,850 --> 00:09:01,850 I was just hoping. 198 00:09:02,100 --> 00:09:03,600 It's all right. I will take care of it. 199 00:09:04,500 --> 00:09:07,900 Chase Hill, you are not going to have this sham wedding. 200 00:09:08,150 --> 00:09:11,020 So call your little sex buddy and tell him the jokes over. 201 00:09:11,270 --> 00:09:13,780 Mom, you can't just come in here and start... 202 00:09:14,030 --> 00:09:15,320 Oh yes I can! 203 00:09:15,470 --> 00:09:16,100 No, you can't! 204 00:09:16,100 --> 00:09:17,280 Want to bet? 205 00:09:17,800 --> 00:09:20,990 Does this Brian know what kind of man you are? 206 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,580 Remember this? 207 00:09:26,250 --> 00:09:27,850 No. Not even you would do that. 208 00:09:28,000 --> 00:09:30,800 I will if it's the only way to stop you from spitting in God's face! 209 00:09:30,900 --> 00:09:33,420 I'm not spitting at anybody! I'm just getting married! 210 00:09:33,420 --> 00:09:35,050 Maybe we all need to just... 211 00:09:35,500 --> 00:09:38,900 There is no such thing as two men getting married. 212 00:09:39,000 --> 00:09:40,000 Well the Supreme Court disagrees. 213 00:09:40,250 --> 00:09:44,000 I love Brian. Just like you loved dad. 214 00:09:44,250 --> 00:09:46,960 Bull pucky. Men don't love each other that way. 215 00:09:47,210 --> 00:09:49,700 And what's gonna happen when the right girl comes along? 216 00:09:49,800 --> 00:09:51,270 There's never going to be a girl, mom. 217 00:09:51,370 --> 00:09:53,030 Why? Are you afraid of women? 218 00:09:53,130 --> 00:09:55,430 I like women fine. I just don't want to fuck them. 219 00:09:55,530 --> 00:09:56,030 Language! 220 00:09:56,130 --> 00:09:57,710 You asked! 221 00:09:58,410 --> 00:09:59,990 This is not my fault. 222 00:10:00,240 --> 00:10:02,280 Neither of your brothers turned out this way. 223 00:10:02,380 --> 00:10:04,540 Really? You wish that I'd turned out like Tyler and Jackson? 224 00:10:04,640 --> 00:10:06,000 Do not judge your brothers! 225 00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,000 Tyler is making amends for his mistakes. 226 00:10:08,200 --> 00:10:09,600 He's finally married Charlene. 227 00:10:09,700 --> 00:10:11,630 Yeah, so that the prison would give them conjugal visits. 228 00:10:11,730 --> 00:10:13,630 And Jackson and Brittany are getting back together. 229 00:10:13,730 --> 00:10:14,550 No, they're not. 230 00:10:14,650 --> 00:10:15,750 Yes they are. 231 00:10:15,850 --> 00:10:17,920 No mom, that's what the restraining order means. 232 00:10:17,920 --> 00:10:19,090 I don't understand where I went wrong. 233 00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:20,370 It means they're not getting back together! 234 00:10:20,470 --> 00:10:21,430 When did you go wrong? 235 00:10:21,530 --> 00:10:24,100 I didn't go wrong. I've always been this way. 236 00:10:24,200 --> 00:10:26,900 That is a load of malarky and you know it! 237 00:10:27,200 --> 00:10:30,050 What about that sweet little girl you were dating in sixth grade? 238 00:10:30,150 --> 00:10:31,940 Susie? Susie Cameron? 239 00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,940 Yes, sweet little Susie Cameron. 240 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,090 You two were as thick as thieves. 241 00:10:36,320 --> 00:10:38,280 You dated a girl? 242 00:10:38,380 --> 00:10:41,380 No. I was only hanging out with Susie so that I could mess around with her brother Jake 243 00:10:41,480 --> 00:10:43,230 And you were always so good at sports. 244 00:10:43,330 --> 00:10:46,530 No, mom. I was good at wrestling. Men's wrestling. 245 00:10:46,630 --> 00:10:48,550 And you even volunteered for the church choir! 246 00:10:48,650 --> 00:10:50,080 Because I was blowing all the tenors! 247 00:10:50,180 --> 00:10:51,930 Chase Hill! How can you say these things? 248 00:10:52,030 --> 00:10:54,290 You're the one who wanted to take a stroll down memory lane. 249 00:10:54,390 --> 00:10:56,000 How did this happen? 250 00:10:56,250 --> 00:10:58,470 When did I lose my wonderful little boy? 251 00:10:58,570 --> 00:10:59,300 He's right here, mom. 252 00:10:59,400 --> 00:11:00,880 You were always my angel. 253 00:11:00,980 --> 00:11:04,450 Out of the whole trouble making bunch, you were always my perfect.... 254 00:11:04,550 --> 00:11:09,230 Perfect? I was perfect until you found that I like guys. 255 00:11:09,330 --> 00:11:10,840 And then you threw me out! 256 00:11:10,940 --> 00:11:13,260 I didn't throw you out! You ran away! 257 00:11:13,360 --> 00:11:17,660 No! You were the one who was shipping me off to a de-gaying facility in South America! 258 00:11:19,280 --> 00:11:21,100 By strapping electrodes to my nuts? 259 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:24,370 You could have at least tried it. 260 00:11:38,000 --> 00:11:39,420 Fruit salad? 261 00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:39,460 They could have helped you! Fruit salad? 262 00:11:39,460 --> 00:11:40,490 Fruit salad? 263 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,570 I am so sorry. 264 00:11:46,300 --> 00:11:48,110 I never have been able to get through to him. 265 00:11:48,260 --> 00:11:49,440 That's not exactly why... 266 00:11:49,450 --> 00:11:51,460 I suppose you've already talked to your son? 267 00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:53,190 Yes, we've chatted. 268 00:11:53,290 --> 00:11:57,400 And he's not willing to call off this Satanic celebration of perversion, either. 269 00:11:57,500 --> 00:11:59,740 No, I don't believe he is. 270 00:11:59,840 --> 00:12:03,990 Well then, I guess it's up to us. 271 00:12:04,090 --> 00:12:07,450 Ladies, we have got a wedding to stop! 272 00:12:13,000 --> 00:12:14,330 What do you think of this one, Mrs. Hill? 273 00:12:14,480 --> 00:12:15,170 Bigger! 274 00:12:15,730 --> 00:12:17,270 Where are they holding this so called wedding? 275 00:12:17,270 --> 00:12:17,460 First Metropolitan Where are they holding this so called wedding? 276 00:12:17,460 --> 00:12:19,070 First Metropolitan 277 00:12:19,320 --> 00:12:20,960 You don't have to be so helpful! 278 00:12:21,060 --> 00:12:24,890 Florence, I want building plans. I want to block every possible entrance. 279 00:12:24,990 --> 00:12:25,760 I'm on it. 280 00:12:25,860 --> 00:12:27,370 Wow. There are so many... 281 00:12:27,470 --> 00:12:29,970 Beauregard, we need more signs. 282 00:12:31,020 --> 00:12:34,850 Kevin! I want megaphones. Lots of megaphones. 283 00:12:34,950 --> 00:12:37,520 And more bodies! Hit the phones! 284 00:12:37,720 --> 00:12:42,490 I want every good Christian from here to Liberty University at this protest! 285 00:12:42,590 --> 00:12:46,950 We are going to build a wall of believers around that church! 286 00:12:50,250 --> 00:12:51,400 This is terrible! 287 00:12:51,500 --> 00:12:53,830 I know! And it's all our fault! 288 00:12:53,930 --> 00:12:55,190 OUR fault? 289 00:12:55,290 --> 00:12:58,400 I'm not the one who invited Attila the Nun to brunch! 290 00:12:58,500 --> 00:12:59,880 We can assign blame later. 291 00:12:59,980 --> 00:13:02,630 Are you gonna help me save this wedding, or not? 292 00:13:02,730 --> 00:13:04,420 Of course I'm gonna help! 293 00:13:05,500 --> 00:13:07,890 But what are we going to do now? 294 00:13:08,140 --> 00:13:10,050 Well... 295 00:13:11,930 --> 00:13:13,290 What happened to you? 296 00:13:13,490 --> 00:13:14,890 Your mother. 297 00:13:15,090 --> 00:13:16,560 Do I want to know? 298 00:13:16,710 --> 00:13:20,480 No, but I'm in a bad mood now. What are you going to do about it? 299 00:13:20,730 --> 00:13:23,030 Well... 300 00:13:28,800 --> 00:13:31,540 Yep. That will do it. 301 00:13:31,790 --> 00:13:34,790 Glad to know that I can still put a smile on your face. 302 00:13:40,930 --> 00:13:43,250 How the hell did we end up together? 303 00:13:46,500 --> 00:13:48,000 What kind of question is that? 304 00:13:48,190 --> 00:13:50,400 I'm not complaining. It's just... 305 00:13:50,600 --> 00:13:52,850 You know, you're the life of the party. 306 00:13:54,020 --> 00:13:55,680 And you're the life of the library? 307 00:13:57,490 --> 00:13:58,890 Blame your mom. 308 00:13:59,090 --> 00:14:00,730 She made me go out with you. 309 00:14:00,830 --> 00:14:02,270 You could have said no. 310 00:14:02,370 --> 00:14:03,530 Are you kidding? 311 00:14:03,830 --> 00:14:06,070 She was flogging your picture at every guy at the bar. 312 00:14:06,170 --> 00:14:08,820 Somebody had to go out with you just to shut her up. 313 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:11,320 So you were just taking one for the team? 314 00:14:12,830 --> 00:14:14,580 Your picture was cute. 315 00:14:14,980 --> 00:14:17,710 And she told me some interesting things about you. 316 00:14:17,810 --> 00:14:19,750 Oh, God. Do I want to know? 317 00:14:21,420 --> 00:14:24,630 Actually, she knows you better than you think. 318 00:14:25,120 --> 00:14:26,510 That's scary. 319 00:14:27,290 --> 00:14:30,550 Although she did leave out the part about you being a top. 320 00:14:31,700 --> 00:14:34,460 Shit! We were supposed to pick up the tuxes half an hour ago. 321 00:14:34,560 --> 00:14:37,320 If we don't get moving, we'll be walking down the aisle naked. 322 00:14:37,420 --> 00:14:38,480 That could be fun. 323 00:14:38,580 --> 00:14:42,190 Not everyone is as comfortable in their birthday suit as you are. 324 00:14:42,440 --> 00:14:45,280 My birthday suit is putting me through art school. 325 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:57,540 Did you find out if Dennis is coming? 326 00:14:59,040 --> 00:15:00,250 I didn't invite him. 327 00:15:00,500 --> 00:15:02,040 We talked about this. 328 00:15:02,290 --> 00:15:03,540 It would be weird. 329 00:15:03,650 --> 00:15:06,800 You lived with the guy for five years. Not inviting him is weird. 330 00:15:09,010 --> 00:15:10,260 Fine. I'll call him later. 331 00:15:10,500 --> 00:15:12,720 Brian, the wedding's tomorrow. There is no later. 332 00:15:13,100 --> 00:15:15,060 But we still have to pick up the tuxes, and... 333 00:15:15,160 --> 00:15:17,890 Do it! That's an order! 334 00:15:18,300 --> 00:15:20,380 I'll ask. But he won't come. 335 00:15:20,480 --> 00:15:22,850 Tell him he can meet all my hot stripper friends at the reception. 336 00:15:22,950 --> 00:15:24,150 Not helping. 337 00:15:25,940 --> 00:15:27,590 Voice mail. I'll call him tonight. 338 00:15:27,690 --> 00:15:29,530 You'll be at my bachelor party tonight. 339 00:15:29,780 --> 00:15:32,410 Your fiancé isn't supposed to be at your bachelor party. 340 00:15:32,510 --> 00:15:33,660 That's the whole point. 341 00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,870 It's my party. I can bring a date if I want. 342 00:15:35,970 --> 00:15:38,290 I don't think your stripper friends will want me there. 343 00:15:38,540 --> 00:15:40,410 Seriously? They love you. 344 00:15:40,510 --> 00:15:43,580 Come on, Chase. What are we going to talk about? 345 00:15:44,580 --> 00:15:46,900 Where to get the best deals on day glow jock straps? 346 00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:48,900 Hey, I find things to talk about with your friends. 347 00:15:49,000 --> 00:15:50,900 Yeah, but my friends don't take off their.. 348 00:15:53,900 --> 00:15:54,760 Hey mom. 349 00:15:56,510 --> 00:15:58,180 Yeah, we're home now. 350 00:15:58,430 --> 00:16:00,880 But we're about to go pick up the tuxes. 351 00:16:01,480 --> 00:16:04,600 Great! That's all I needed to know. Have fun! 352 00:16:04,850 --> 00:16:06,440 Okay, I can fix this. 353 00:16:06,540 --> 00:16:09,360 You keep Irene busy, and I'll deal with this lot. 354 00:16:09,460 --> 00:16:10,570 But how am I going to do that? 355 00:16:10,570 --> 00:16:11,740 Follow my lead. 356 00:16:14,110 --> 00:16:15,990 Back away from the altar! 357 00:16:16,090 --> 00:16:20,520 Do not attempt to exchange rings, and come out with your hands up! 358 00:16:20,620 --> 00:16:24,170 Wow! You are certainly well organized. 359 00:16:24,270 --> 00:16:25,040 Thank you 360 00:16:25,040 --> 00:16:29,340 Rose and I think that you should try talking to Chase again. 361 00:16:29,440 --> 00:16:30,090 We do? 362 00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:33,760 I have been yelling at that boy for years and it hasn't changed a thing. 363 00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:36,260 Yes, but as a good mother... 364 00:16:36,360 --> 00:16:41,390 As a good mother, I will do whatever it takes to save my boy's soul. 365 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:45,100 Do you think the Lord is gonna forgive an insult like this? 366 00:16:45,350 --> 00:16:48,270 Well, forgiving is sort of what he does. Right? 367 00:16:48,520 --> 00:16:52,500 The boys are home right now, and Rose can take you over there. 368 00:16:52,600 --> 00:16:53,600 I can? 369 00:16:54,200 --> 00:16:56,700 Right! And you can meet Brian. 370 00:16:56,950 --> 00:16:58,910 He's such a nice boy. 371 00:16:59,010 --> 00:17:01,290 Brian! Now there's an idea! 372 00:17:01,390 --> 00:17:05,430 If I can't talk sense into my boy, I'll have to talk some into yours. 373 00:17:05,530 --> 00:17:06,580 What does that mean? 374 00:17:06,680 --> 00:17:10,710 Don't worry. I've got something that will stop this so-called wedding. 375 00:17:10,810 --> 00:17:11,590 Let's go! 376 00:17:11,690 --> 00:17:13,720 Yeah, you and Rose run along! 377 00:17:13,970 --> 00:17:16,430 I'll hold down the fort here. 378 00:17:16,680 --> 00:17:20,310 Are you sure that you can stop all this? 379 00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:26,270 Give me twenty minutes, and I'll have them marching in the next gay pride parade! 380 00:17:26,500 --> 00:17:28,060 I sure hope so. 381 00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,190 Are we doing this or what? 382 00:17:33,800 --> 00:17:35,700 Nice work everybody! 383 00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:40,350 I'm Mae! Irene asked me to run things while she's out. 384 00:17:40,600 --> 00:17:41,660 Hi Mae! 385 00:17:41,810 --> 00:17:43,290 Hi! 386 00:17:43,540 --> 00:17:47,540 You have done such great work with these signs. 387 00:17:47,790 --> 00:17:51,040 But I'm a little concerned about our message. 388 00:17:51,290 --> 00:17:52,000 How so? 389 00:17:52,000 --> 00:17:54,250 Well, like this sign than... 390 00:17:54,350 --> 00:17:55,340 Dale 391 00:17:55,440 --> 00:17:56,670 ...Dale is making. 392 00:17:56,770 --> 00:17:59,390 Beautiful penmanship, by the way! 393 00:17:59,490 --> 00:18:00,180 Thank you! 394 00:18:00,280 --> 00:18:02,430 But this quote from Leviticus. 395 00:18:02,530 --> 00:18:04,580 The one that says to kill all the gay people? 396 00:18:04,680 --> 00:18:05,890 Yeah, that one. 397 00:18:06,140 --> 00:18:08,940 Don't you think it's a little clunky? 398 00:18:08,940 --> 00:18:13,740 I mean, there are so many beautiful and simple things in the Bible. 399 00:18:13,990 --> 00:18:15,970 Like, "Love thy neighbor'". 400 00:18:16,220 --> 00:18:17,280 She's right! 401 00:18:17,380 --> 00:18:18,900 It is way too long for a sign. 402 00:18:19,350 --> 00:18:21,800 God hates faggots? 403 00:18:21,900 --> 00:18:22,800 Much better! 404 00:18:22,900 --> 00:18:23,810 Nice work Dale! 405 00:18:23,910 --> 00:18:25,000 More signs everybody! 406 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:25,100 You're a great leader, Mae! More signs everybody! 407 00:18:25,100 --> 00:18:27,000 You're a great leader, Mae! 408 00:18:28,160 --> 00:18:29,290 Chase Hill! 409 00:18:30,100 --> 00:18:31,840 You open this door right now! 410 00:18:31,940 --> 00:18:34,840 We are gonna talk about this affront to the Lord that you have planned! 411 00:18:35,420 --> 00:18:37,000 Maybe they're not home? 412 00:18:37,100 --> 00:18:38,050 Oh, they are home! 413 00:18:38,150 --> 00:18:40,430 You cannot avoid me young man! 414 00:18:41,590 --> 00:18:46,770 Stop whatever profane sex acts you are engaged in and open this door! 415 00:18:47,020 --> 00:18:48,880 Maybe we should let ourselves in. 416 00:18:48,980 --> 00:18:50,440 You have a key? 417 00:18:52,770 --> 00:18:57,070 Chase! You stop your fornicating right now and... 418 00:19:01,200 --> 00:19:02,450 Chase! 419 00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:05,200 Chase Hill 420 00:19:09,410 --> 00:19:12,790 Too bad, they're not here. 421 00:19:13,500 --> 00:19:15,380 This is their bedroom? 422 00:19:16,600 --> 00:19:17,460 Yeah. 423 00:19:18,110 --> 00:19:21,750 But where is all the chains, and the whips? 424 00:19:22,000 --> 00:19:25,500 And black leather handcuffs and swings and stuff? 425 00:19:26,150 --> 00:19:28,980 Brian's a teacher, not a dungeon master. 426 00:19:29,230 --> 00:19:31,210 They let a man like that near children! 427 00:19:31,460 --> 00:19:32,600 Yes. 428 00:19:32,850 --> 00:19:35,230 That's Brian. 429 00:19:38,300 --> 00:19:39,900 He doesn't look like a monster. 430 00:19:40,150 --> 00:19:43,310 That's my nephew you're talking about! 431 00:19:43,410 --> 00:19:46,660 Your nephew who is sodomizing my son! 432 00:19:46,910 --> 00:19:50,100 How do you know it's not the other way around? 433 00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:56,710 Well, at least he's got good taste in furniture. I'll give him that. 434 00:19:57,750 --> 00:19:59,710 And he likes to keep his guns clean. 435 00:19:59,960 --> 00:20:01,300 Oh, yeah. 436 00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:04,340 Brian is all about cleaning his gun. 437 00:20:05,890 --> 00:20:09,680 -Hello Rose? -Two Four Six eight! God wants you to Procreate! 438 00:20:09,930 --> 00:20:14,830 No, I haven't got it sorted out yet.You're going o have to keep her busy a while longer. 439 00:20:15,080 --> 00:20:17,360 Chase Huntington Hill! You get back to the house right now! 440 00:20:17,610 --> 00:20:20,610 We are going to have a talk about what I'm finding in your bedroom! 441 00:20:20,860 --> 00:20:23,240 I can't keep her here! 442 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:24,990 The boys will come home eventually. 443 00:20:25,240 --> 00:20:29,200 --You're gonna have to think of something yourself! -Chanting Protestors 444 00:20:29,300 --> 00:20:31,790 I've got my hands full here! 445 00:20:35,790 --> 00:20:39,000 Nice work everybody! Why don't we take a break? 446 00:20:39,250 --> 00:20:41,750 Thanks Mae! You're the best! 447 00:20:41,750 --> 00:20:44,970 So I was just thinking about the Bible... 448 00:20:45,220 --> 00:20:46,260 Good book! 449 00:20:46,510 --> 00:20:47,500 Great book! 450 00:20:47,750 --> 00:20:51,350 But you know how we don't follow every single instruction in it? 451 00:20:51,600 --> 00:20:52,680 Of course we do! 452 00:20:52,830 --> 00:20:53,770 It's God's word! 453 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:55,980 Well, take that quote from Leviticus. 454 00:20:56,230 --> 00:20:58,400 The one that says to kill all the faggots? 455 00:20:58,650 --> 00:21:04,700 We're all shouting out that verse.But we're forgetting the ones that are all around it. 456 00:21:04,950 --> 00:21:06,040 Really? Like what? 457 00:21:06,290 --> 00:21:13,230 Like that part that says we have to stone to death any woman who is not a virgin on her wedding night. 458 00:21:13,330 --> 00:21:15,000 -That's in there? -Yes. 459 00:21:16,000 --> 00:21:17,460 You know what this means? 460 00:21:17,710 --> 00:21:19,710 Yes! We have to change the way we...! 461 00:21:19,810 --> 00:21:22,630 God hates sluts! 462 00:21:23,300 --> 00:21:24,890 More signs everybody! 463 00:21:25,140 --> 00:21:27,090 Good job, Mae! 464 00:21:29,680 --> 00:21:30,760 Stop moving! 465 00:21:31,010 --> 00:21:32,020 You stuck me! 466 00:21:32,270 --> 00:21:34,100 Stop moving and I wouldn't have to! 467 00:21:34,350 --> 00:21:37,300 I appreciate the thought. But there is no way that you guys can finish two tuxes... 468 00:21:37,550 --> 00:21:40,270 Brian! Never underestimate a drag queen with a hot glue gun. 469 00:21:40,520 --> 00:21:41,230 They'll be done. 470 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:42,230 Pins! 471 00:21:42,480 --> 00:21:43,400 Pins! Pins! 472 00:21:43,650 --> 00:21:45,250 Thank you, Gregory. 473 00:21:45,250 --> 00:21:46,860 Tomorrow, huh. 474 00:21:48,000 --> 00:21:49,200 Who would have thought? 475 00:21:49,300 --> 00:21:53,870 Yes. I never thought that you would wind up marrying a school teacher. 476 00:21:54,250 --> 00:21:55,750 What's that supposed to mean? 477 00:21:56,000 --> 00:21:59,420 It's just that you're so different from the guys Chase used to date. 478 00:21:59,670 --> 00:22:02,960 I always thought you would end up with Alejandro.You two had fire. 479 00:22:03,210 --> 00:22:03,800 Alehandro? 480 00:22:03,950 --> 00:22:05,340 We dated for a month. 481 00:22:05,440 --> 00:22:07,340 Or Yohanne. With those blue eyes! 482 00:22:07,440 --> 00:22:08,380 Or Sergei! 483 00:22:08,630 --> 00:22:13,480 You and Sergei were like two tigers! 484 00:22:13,630 --> 00:22:15,000 Hey! Right here. 485 00:22:15,000 --> 00:22:17,600 Sorry, Brian. Just a bit of nostalgia. 486 00:22:17,850 --> 00:22:20,190 And we are so happy that you and Chase found each other. 487 00:22:20,290 --> 00:22:21,230 Right? 488 00:22:21,480 --> 00:22:26,280 Yeah. Chase dumped the exciting supermodel to marry the stuck up school teacher. 489 00:22:26,530 --> 00:22:27,820 Yay! 490 00:22:28,500 --> 00:22:30,030 I'm really feeling the love here. 491 00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:33,660 Brian, you know that we adore you. Otherwise we wouldn't tease you so. 492 00:22:35,290 --> 00:22:36,910 Yeah, we love you. 493 00:22:37,390 --> 00:22:39,210 (Spanish muttering.) 494 00:22:39,500 --> 00:22:45,170 It's just weird to see Chase with someone so different. 495 00:22:45,420 --> 00:22:46,450 Meaning? 496 00:22:46,550 --> 00:22:49,840 Meaning all his other boyfriends were hotter than you. Duh. 497 00:22:50,090 --> 00:22:51,260 And wilder! 498 00:22:51,360 --> 00:22:52,500 They were a tad less uptight 499 00:22:52,600 --> 00:22:54,300 They were all fucking crazy. 500 00:22:54,400 --> 00:22:57,310 So you have been a wonderful surprise, Brian. 501 00:22:57,560 --> 00:22:59,390 And if you're happy, we're happy. 502 00:22:59,490 --> 00:23:00,600 Right 503 00:23:00,700 --> 00:23:04,360 Yeah. Sure. Thrilled. 504 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,050 I don't understand why you guys are even getting married. It's obsolete. 505 00:23:08,150 --> 00:23:09,280 This should be good. 506 00:23:09,380 --> 00:23:12,700 You do know that there's this thing called Grindr, right? 507 00:23:12,800 --> 00:23:14,700 Sex anytime you want. 508 00:23:14,900 --> 00:23:16,870 It's easier than ordering pizza. 509 00:23:16,970 --> 00:23:18,750 And what do you know about Grindr? You're underage! 510 00:23:18,850 --> 00:23:20,370 I turn 18 next month. 511 00:23:20,470 --> 00:23:22,370 And until then I can window shop. 512 00:23:23,370 --> 00:23:25,290 This one is going to be my birthday present. 513 00:23:26,050 --> 00:23:29,050 You might want to pick something with training wheels first! 514 00:23:29,300 --> 00:23:33,260 And Greg, the best part about sex is actually the pillow talk afterwards. 515 00:23:33,510 --> 00:23:36,430 Bullshit. Talking is what I have friends for. 516 00:23:36,530 --> 00:23:37,770 Oh. You have friends? 517 00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:41,440 You're honestly telling me that you would rather have THAT 518 00:23:41,690 --> 00:23:43,250 for the rest of your life 519 00:23:43,500 --> 00:23:46,830 When you could be having all of THIS? 520 00:23:48,030 --> 00:23:48,780 Yes. 521 00:23:49,030 --> 00:23:52,240 Bullshit. I give this two years max. 522 00:23:52,490 --> 00:23:54,310 What do you know? Two years ago you were in braces? 523 00:23:54,560 --> 00:23:55,750 Funny 524 00:23:55,950 --> 00:23:59,040 How long did you and Dennis last? 525 00:23:59,290 --> 00:24:00,750 How do you know about Dennis? 526 00:24:01,000 --> 00:24:04,670 I live next door to your mom, and she talks with the windows open. 527 00:24:04,770 --> 00:24:06,250 It's not polite to eavesdrop, Gregory. 528 00:24:06,350 --> 00:24:08,170 I can't help having ears. 529 00:24:08,270 --> 00:24:09,260 What do you know about Dennis? 530 00:24:09,260 --> 00:24:11,300 -Hey! --You never talk about him. 531 00:24:11,400 --> 00:24:13,090 The kid knows more than I do! 532 00:24:13,340 --> 00:24:15,680 Can't I just have a mysterious past? 533 00:24:16,280 --> 00:24:17,150 No. 534 00:24:17,400 --> 00:24:18,100 Spill. 535 00:24:18,250 --> 00:24:21,380 Dennis dumped him for this hot blond trainer. 536 00:24:21,480 --> 00:24:23,190 Who actually had a really nice butt... 537 00:24:23,440 --> 00:24:24,900 Ow! What the fuck! 538 00:24:25,150 --> 00:24:26,560 How clumsy of me! 539 00:24:26,710 --> 00:24:28,000 You've been such a big help, Gregory. 540 00:24:28,100 --> 00:24:29,230 But now you have to go. 541 00:24:29,330 --> 00:24:30,570 Bye bye. 542 00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:34,470 Have fun on Grindr. I'm sure it's going to be amazing. 543 00:24:34,470 --> 00:24:37,200 Okay, let's talk about hats. 544 00:24:37,450 --> 00:24:39,690 Yes! You see it? 545 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:42,240 Mae! Have you fixed things yet? 546 00:24:42,490 --> 00:24:44,170 I'm working on it! 547 00:24:44,420 --> 00:24:48,500 Work faster! Brian and Chase are bound to come home sometime. 548 00:24:48,750 --> 00:24:52,010 And Lord knows what this woman will find if she keeps poking around. 549 00:24:52,260 --> 00:24:55,660 I know there's a sex dungeon around here someplace 550 00:24:55,710 --> 00:24:56,760 Then get her out of the house. 551 00:24:56,860 --> 00:24:58,890 How am I supposed to do that? 552 00:24:58,990 --> 00:25:01,640 Tell her the boys have gone to the florist. 553 00:25:01,890 --> 00:25:04,770 You want me to lie! 554 00:25:05,020 --> 00:25:06,840 It's for the greater good, Rose. 555 00:25:07,050 --> 00:25:09,000 What florist should I take her to? 556 00:25:09,250 --> 00:25:11,480 It doesn't matter! They won't be there! 557 00:25:16,810 --> 00:25:18,200 Irene? 558 00:25:19,110 --> 00:25:21,540 Mae says that Brian's at the florist. 559 00:25:21,640 --> 00:25:23,960 And we can catch him if we leave right now. 560 00:25:24,060 --> 00:25:29,000 Perfect. Give me five minutes with that boy and I'll put an end to all this nonsense. 561 00:25:30,600 --> 00:25:32,050 Hey everybody! 562 00:25:32,300 --> 00:25:34,510 Why don't we take a break and have some cookies. 563 00:25:34,760 --> 00:25:36,630 Thanks Mae! You're the best! 564 00:25:36,880 --> 00:25:40,710 I was thinking how the Bible is like my Uncle Jake. 565 00:25:40,810 --> 00:25:41,970 How's that? 566 00:25:42,070 --> 00:25:45,430 My family all loves Uncle Jake. 567 00:25:45,530 --> 00:25:49,440 And sometimes he'll say something really profound. 568 00:25:49,540 --> 00:25:51,520 But there are other times, like when 569 00:25:51,620 --> 00:25:56,240 when he starts talking about Vietnamese hookers in the middle of Thanksgiving dinner 570 00:25:56,340 --> 00:26:00,620 and someone has to tell him to shut up and pass the gravy. 571 00:26:00,720 --> 00:26:02,950 Do you see what I mean? 572 00:26:03,160 --> 00:26:05,060 -No -Not a clue. 573 00:26:05,160 --> 00:26:07,710 I'm saying we can love the Bible. 574 00:26:07,810 --> 00:26:11,210 And there are some good lessons we can take from it. 575 00:26:11,310 --> 00:26:16,810 But there are times we need to tell the Bible to just pass the gravy! 576 00:26:16,910 --> 00:26:17,880 Like when? 577 00:26:17,880 --> 00:26:21,450 Like when it's talking about how great slavery is. 578 00:26:21,550 --> 00:26:23,220 The Bible does that? 579 00:26:23,320 --> 00:26:24,140 Yep. 580 00:26:24,380 --> 00:26:25,600 Where? 581 00:26:25,890 --> 00:26:28,210 Pretty much all the way through. 582 00:26:28,310 --> 00:26:33,610 There's even a part that says how hard you're allowed to hit your slave with a stick. 583 00:26:33,860 --> 00:26:35,110 How hard? 584 00:26:35,360 --> 00:26:36,860 Pretty hard. 585 00:26:37,110 --> 00:26:40,740 If the slave doesn't die within a day after the beating 586 00:26:40,990 --> 00:26:44,370 Exodus says that God's okay with it! 587 00:26:44,370 --> 00:26:46,650 --Really? --Yeah 588 00:26:46,750 --> 00:26:48,120 You know what this means? 589 00:26:48,220 --> 00:26:51,670 Yes! Since none of us want slavery... 590 00:26:51,770 --> 00:26:54,300 God is on the side of the Confederacy! 591 00:26:54,400 --> 00:26:55,630 I knew it! 592 00:26:55,730 --> 00:26:57,210 God hates Yankees! 593 00:26:57,460 --> 00:26:58,410 No! That's not the point! 594 00:26:58,510 --> 00:27:00,930 New signs everybody! 595 00:27:07,400 --> 00:27:08,630 Don't get too comfortable. 596 00:27:08,880 --> 00:27:11,310 We've still got to go get the cake, and the extra chairs, and.. 597 00:27:11,560 --> 00:27:14,000 Who knew weddings were so complicated? 598 00:27:14,250 --> 00:27:15,780 Everybody. 599 00:27:16,870 --> 00:27:18,860 (Phone ringing) 600 00:27:19,110 --> 00:27:21,610 Okay, who has been calling you all day? 601 00:27:24,350 --> 00:27:24,990 Your mom? 602 00:27:26,380 --> 00:27:27,040 Yeah. 603 00:27:27,290 --> 00:27:29,580 And your mom started this. 604 00:27:29,830 --> 00:27:31,440 Shouldn't you at least talk to her? 605 00:27:31,540 --> 00:27:32,290 We talked. 606 00:27:32,740 --> 00:27:35,000 Well, we yelled. 607 00:27:35,000 --> 00:27:35,130 It's just like always. Well, we yelled. 608 00:27:35,130 --> 00:27:37,550 It's just like always. 609 00:27:39,260 --> 00:27:42,160 There must have been some time when you got along. 610 00:27:42,260 --> 00:27:44,470 Sure. We used to be thick as thieves. 611 00:27:44,970 --> 00:27:48,100 Right up until she found out who I really am. 612 00:27:49,000 --> 00:27:50,000 I know it's hard,.. 613 00:27:50,100 --> 00:27:51,310 No you don't. 614 00:27:51,410 --> 00:27:53,690 You got real fucking lucky with your family. 615 00:27:53,790 --> 00:27:54,450 Yeah, but... 616 00:27:54,550 --> 00:27:55,810 But nothing. 617 00:27:56,100 --> 00:27:58,210 I had one person. 618 00:27:58,460 --> 00:28:01,100 One person who made me feel safe. 619 00:28:01,900 --> 00:28:04,200 Who was supposed to love me no matter what. 620 00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:06,870 And then she didn't. 621 00:28:08,910 --> 00:28:10,500 She's still family. 622 00:28:10,800 --> 00:28:12,080 You're my family, now. 623 00:28:13,330 --> 00:28:17,000 Mr... Davis-Hill? 624 00:28:17,210 --> 00:28:18,880 Is that what it is? 625 00:28:19,400 --> 00:28:21,260 Hill-Davis 626 00:28:22,590 --> 00:28:24,330 Let's wrestle for it! 627 00:28:25,510 --> 00:28:27,010 Afraid you'll lose? 628 00:28:27,110 --> 00:28:28,160 No. 629 00:28:28,260 --> 00:28:30,980 But I know how wrestling matches with you always end. 630 00:28:31,180 --> 00:28:31,930 And...? 631 00:28:32,130 --> 00:28:34,170 And then we won't have time to get the cake. 632 00:28:34,270 --> 00:28:36,510 Or the extra chairs or everything else. 633 00:28:36,510 --> 00:28:38,690 Yeah, rush rush rush. 634 00:28:41,520 --> 00:28:43,070 You're the one who started this. 635 00:28:43,320 --> 00:28:44,200 Yeah. 636 00:28:46,700 --> 00:28:48,980 If I hadn't proposed first, would you have asked me? 637 00:28:49,080 --> 00:28:50,330 Yes. 638 00:28:52,000 --> 00:28:54,850 It might have taken longer, but I would have. 639 00:28:55,100 --> 00:28:57,250 Longer like a couple months? A couple years? 640 00:28:57,500 --> 00:28:58,600 I don't know. 641 00:28:58,850 --> 00:29:00,530 Why? Does it matter? 642 00:29:06,300 --> 00:29:11,000 What about this one that says we have to kill any child who curses his parents? 643 00:29:11,220 --> 00:29:12,980 God hates mouthy teenagers! 644 00:29:13,230 --> 00:29:16,000 And this part that says we can't sell land? 645 00:29:16,230 --> 00:29:18,060 God hates real estate agents! 646 00:29:18,310 --> 00:29:24,740 And this part that says the blind and deaf are not allowed in church? 647 00:29:26,990 --> 00:29:27,780 New signs! 648 00:29:28,030 --> 00:29:30,030 God hates the handicapped! 649 00:29:38,100 --> 00:29:40,390 I cannot believe we missed them again. 650 00:29:40,640 --> 00:29:41,500 Yeah. 651 00:29:41,750 --> 00:29:43,760 I mean, that's bad luck. 652 00:29:44,010 --> 00:29:45,750 We missed them at the florist 653 00:29:46,000 --> 00:29:48,010 and the bakers, and the caterers. 654 00:29:48,260 --> 00:29:53,060 It's almost like those boys were deliberately leading us on a wild goose chase. 655 00:29:53,310 --> 00:29:55,980 I can see how it might seem that way. 656 00:29:56,230 --> 00:29:58,020 What is it that you want to tell Brian? 657 00:29:58,270 --> 00:29:59,770 I don't want to say. 658 00:30:00,020 --> 00:30:02,070 It's too embarrassing. 659 00:30:02,320 --> 00:30:05,860 But it would certainly put an end to all this crazy marriage talk. 660 00:30:06,090 --> 00:30:07,860 At least we've got a plan B. 661 00:30:08,110 --> 00:30:10,410 I'd better go back and rally the troops. 662 00:30:10,660 --> 00:30:11,780 No! 663 00:30:13,500 --> 00:30:17,000 You've had a long day. 664 00:30:17,250 --> 00:30:20,670 I think you should stay and catch your breath. 665 00:30:22,880 --> 00:30:24,380 Thank you, Rose. 666 00:30:25,000 --> 00:30:26,920 You're a good friend. 667 00:30:27,500 --> 00:30:28,970 I sure try to be. 668 00:30:30,100 --> 00:30:31,300 Is this your husband? 669 00:30:32,180 --> 00:30:36,140 No, that's Arthur. Mae's husband. 670 00:30:36,640 --> 00:30:38,480 He passed a few years back. 671 00:30:38,730 --> 00:30:40,190 I'm sorry to hear that. 672 00:30:41,640 --> 00:30:42,980 And this is Brian? 673 00:30:43,500 --> 00:30:47,740 Yes. The year he dressed up like a cowboy for Halloween. 674 00:30:48,510 --> 00:30:50,410 He always was such a cute little fella. 675 00:30:50,510 --> 00:30:52,030 Boys are great at that age. 676 00:30:52,280 --> 00:30:54,120 So full of promise and wonder. 677 00:30:54,370 --> 00:30:55,760 You have any kids, Rose? 678 00:30:55,910 --> 00:30:57,360 No, I never got married. 679 00:30:58,000 --> 00:30:59,790 Couldn't find a man you could stand? 680 00:31:01,380 --> 00:31:03,630 Well, there was a boy I liked in high school. 681 00:31:03,630 --> 00:31:08,510 But I was shy, and he married someone else. 682 00:31:08,760 --> 00:31:12,550 And then all of a sudden I'm an old maid. 683 00:31:12,800 --> 00:31:14,050 I'm sorry. 684 00:31:14,300 --> 00:31:16,270 Oh, it all worked out well. 685 00:31:17,190 --> 00:31:19,390 Brian's been a wonderful nephew. 686 00:31:19,940 --> 00:31:23,780 And I like to think I had a hand in why he turned out so well. 687 00:31:24,030 --> 00:31:26,230 He didn't turn out that well, Rose. 688 00:31:26,580 --> 00:31:27,900 He's a sodomite 689 00:31:27,900 --> 00:31:28,610 Hey! 690 00:31:28,860 --> 00:31:30,820 Don't get your panties in a twist. 691 00:31:31,070 --> 00:31:32,620 So is mine 692 00:31:32,870 --> 00:31:34,310 We both screwed up. 693 00:31:34,310 --> 00:31:35,910 Irene! 694 00:31:37,750 --> 00:31:40,250 Did you ever consider... 695 00:31:40,500 --> 00:31:42,370 for just one crazy moment 696 00:31:42,620 --> 00:31:44,380 that maybe we didn't? 697 00:31:44,630 --> 00:31:47,170 They're both nice boys. 698 00:31:48,320 --> 00:31:50,470 And they make each other so happy! 699 00:31:50,720 --> 00:31:54,350 You know what else makes people happy, Rose? 700 00:31:54,600 --> 00:31:56,760 Crystal Meth! 701 00:31:57,010 --> 00:31:59,020 It doesn't mean it's good for you! 702 00:31:59,270 --> 00:32:01,520 It's not quite the same thing. 703 00:32:02,150 --> 00:32:03,600 You think my boy is so great? 704 00:32:03,850 --> 00:32:04,980 Yes. 705 00:32:05,230 --> 00:32:06,770 Take a look at that. 706 00:32:10,000 --> 00:32:12,610 It's what I've been trying to show your nephew all day. 707 00:32:17,950 --> 00:32:19,500 Is this real? 708 00:32:20,290 --> 00:32:21,500 Yep. 709 00:32:24,120 --> 00:32:26,380 You think your Brian knows about this? 710 00:32:26,630 --> 00:32:28,380 I don't think so. 711 00:32:29,090 --> 00:32:32,090 Help me Obi-Rose Kenobi! You're my only hope! 712 00:32:32,340 --> 00:32:35,010 Rose, we are so sorry to burst in unannounced, but it's an emergency. 713 00:32:35,260 --> 00:32:37,750 Salsa! Fantasia! 714 00:32:38,180 --> 00:32:40,810 What a great surprise! 715 00:32:41,060 --> 00:32:42,500 Too bad you can't stay. 716 00:32:42,500 --> 00:32:44,900 I know. It is so great to see us. And what are you wearing? 717 00:32:45,150 --> 00:32:49,000 I'll call 911. Hello? This is a fashion emergency! 718 00:32:49,150 --> 00:32:50,190 Rose? 719 00:32:51,300 --> 00:32:53,500 Aren't you going to introduce me to your friends? 720 00:32:53,750 --> 00:32:55,200 Of course. 721 00:32:55,450 --> 00:33:00,290 Irene, this is Ms. Fantasia Extravaganza. 722 00:33:00,540 --> 00:33:03,600 Fantasia, this is Mrs. Irene Hill. 723 00:33:03,850 --> 00:33:04,620 Charmed. 724 00:33:04,870 --> 00:33:08,000 And this is Miss Salsa Rojah. Mrs. Hill. 725 00:33:08,100 --> 00:33:09,020 Yeah. Charmed. 726 00:33:09,120 --> 00:33:11,010 So Rose, we were on our way to the party... 727 00:33:11,110 --> 00:33:13,910 And I broke the strap on my stupid knock offs! 728 00:33:14,010 --> 00:33:16,840 $29.95. You'd think that they could glue on a little piece of plastic! 729 00:33:16,940 --> 00:33:18,300 And my shoes are too large for her. 730 00:33:18,400 --> 00:33:22,390 And I remembered that you have those sexy gogo boots! 731 00:33:22,980 --> 00:33:25,770 And how do you know each other? 732 00:33:26,700 --> 00:33:29,860 These ladies are part of my church group. 733 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:38,680 We meet every Sunday morning. Right? 734 00:33:38,930 --> 00:33:41,620 -I guess -If you count Denny's after the bar. 735 00:33:41,870 --> 00:33:43,790 And what church is that? 736 00:33:44,040 --> 00:33:46,120 I would love to stay and help you with these... 737 00:33:46,370 --> 00:33:47,500 "outfits"? 738 00:33:47,750 --> 00:33:51,840 But we have to get to the party. Please Rose! Those sexy gogo boots! 739 00:33:52,090 --> 00:33:55,250 I don't know what you're talking about! I don't have anything like... 740 00:33:55,350 --> 00:33:58,180 Of course you do! Let's go to your closet... 741 00:33:58,280 --> 00:33:58,890 No! 742 00:33:59,140 --> 00:34:00,550 I'll get them. 743 00:34:00,800 --> 00:34:05,430 You all just stay right here. 744 00:34:10,560 --> 00:34:11,650 I don't know. 745 00:34:16,700 --> 00:34:20,060 Those certainly are interesting outfits you have on. 746 00:34:20,210 --> 00:34:21,660 Thank you! 747 00:34:22,200 --> 00:34:23,910 And I love your... 748 00:34:26,210 --> 00:34:27,410 Your.... 749 00:34:28,710 --> 00:34:30,170 Your very natural hair color. 750 00:34:30,420 --> 00:34:31,340 Yes 751 00:34:32,930 --> 00:34:33,000 Thank you 752 00:34:34,000 --> 00:34:36,260 So you ladies are going to a party tonight? 753 00:34:36,510 --> 00:34:39,470 No. We are throwing a party tonight. 754 00:34:39,720 --> 00:34:43,060 The biggest fiesta this little town has ever seen! 755 00:34:43,210 --> 00:34:45,560 We rented out all of club Michael! 756 00:34:45,660 --> 00:34:48,100 There are going to be dancing boys, and pinatas. 757 00:34:48,200 --> 00:34:50,060 And foam spraying out of a giant... 758 00:34:50,160 --> 00:34:51,310 I told you not to get that! 759 00:34:51,410 --> 00:34:52,860 It will be fun! 760 00:34:52,960 --> 00:34:54,880 It will be memorable. I'll give you that. 761 00:34:55,440 --> 00:34:57,780 It's the bachelor party for our friend Chase. 762 00:34:58,200 --> 00:35:01,160 Chase? Chase Hill? 763 00:35:01,620 --> 00:35:02,530 You know him? 764 00:35:02,780 --> 00:35:04,700 I am his mother! 765 00:35:05,660 --> 00:35:07,410 The mother! 766 00:35:07,660 --> 00:35:10,000 It is so nice to meet you! 767 00:35:10,000 --> 00:35:11,710 So you're coming to the wedding? 768 00:35:11,960 --> 00:35:13,380 Oh, I will be there. 769 00:35:13,670 --> 00:35:15,420 Chase will love that! 770 00:35:15,670 --> 00:35:19,590 I will be there to stop him from defiling the holy sacrament of marriage. 771 00:35:21,930 --> 00:35:23,300 Listen, grandma. 772 00:35:23,550 --> 00:35:26,430 Chase is my little pequito. 773 00:35:26,680 --> 00:35:28,890 And if you do anything to fuck up his big day I will.. 774 00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,480 (rapid Spanish) 775 00:35:33,150 --> 00:35:36,730 What my protogé was trying to say is that we would love to have you at the wedding. 776 00:35:36,980 --> 00:35:38,240 However. Comma. 777 00:35:38,490 --> 00:35:41,320 I'd leave that antiquated homophobic bullshit at the door. 778 00:35:41,570 --> 00:35:45,580 If you think that I am going to let you and your degenerate friends... 779 00:35:45,680 --> 00:35:48,000 ...use my son to defile the holy sacrament of... 780 00:35:48,100 --> 00:35:49,440 Have you even met his fiancé? 781 00:35:49,540 --> 00:35:50,960 Check your tone when you're talking to me. 782 00:35:51,060 --> 00:35:52,960 You tarted up whore in a cheap dress! 783 00:35:55,000 --> 00:35:56,090 Cheap? 784 00:35:57,600 --> 00:35:59,000 Cheap 785 00:36:01,100 --> 00:36:02,260 I see. 786 00:36:02,600 --> 00:36:03,510 Salsa. 787 00:36:03,660 --> 00:36:04,640 Yes, Fantasia 788 00:36:05,000 --> 00:36:07,220 Hold my fan. 789 00:36:09,020 --> 00:36:10,890 I think these are the ones you mean. 790 00:36:10,990 --> 00:36:12,100 What the hell? 791 00:36:12,100 --> 00:36:14,400 Twenty bucks says that Fantasia knocks her out in one punch! 792 00:36:14,500 --> 00:36:15,560 No! 793 00:36:15,660 --> 00:36:17,440 Come on! I'll give you two to one odds! 794 00:36:17,440 --> 00:36:23,100 I'm so sorry that you have to leave. But I know that you have a busy social life. 795 00:36:23,200 --> 00:36:26,070 No! I want to stay and watch Fantasia knock the.. 796 00:36:26,170 --> 00:36:27,990 Maybe next time. 797 00:36:37,130 --> 00:36:39,920 Rose, is there something you want to tell me? 798 00:36:40,370 --> 00:36:41,200 No. 799 00:36:41,750 --> 00:36:43,090 Then I will ask. 800 00:36:44,100 --> 00:36:46,350 Do you perhaps have some friends who are... 801 00:36:46,600 --> 00:36:48,930 ...women of loose morals? 802 00:36:49,970 --> 00:36:50,970 Maybe. 803 00:36:51,670 --> 00:36:52,940 But so did Jesus. 804 00:36:54,850 --> 00:36:56,400 You got me there. 805 00:36:58,570 --> 00:37:02,140 Irene, I think we need to talk about Brian and Chase. 806 00:37:02,360 --> 00:37:03,570 We do not have time. 807 00:37:03,820 --> 00:37:07,410 I just found out where that nephew of yours will be tonight! 808 00:37:09,550 --> 00:37:11,530 Mae! Please tell me you've fixed things! 809 00:37:11,630 --> 00:37:13,710 God hate's bankers! I knew it! 810 00:37:13,810 --> 00:37:15,210 I'm working on it! 811 00:37:15,410 --> 00:37:17,130 And people with tattoos! 812 00:37:17,230 --> 00:37:20,170 God hates people with tattoos. 813 00:37:20,300 --> 00:37:21,530 And masturbators! 814 00:37:21,630 --> 00:37:22,420 What? 815 00:37:22,520 --> 00:37:25,130 It says right here. God hates masturbators! 816 00:37:25,230 --> 00:37:26,000 Really? 817 00:37:26,100 --> 00:37:27,010 Yeah. 818 00:37:27,110 --> 00:37:30,060 Why are you so concerned about that, Dale? 819 00:37:30,160 --> 00:37:31,140 No reason. 820 00:37:31,240 --> 00:37:33,310 Because it's not like I've ever... 821 00:37:33,410 --> 00:37:37,310 I mean, no one here has ever...? 822 00:37:37,410 --> 00:37:39,440 Not even once? 823 00:37:39,540 --> 00:37:40,860 More signs! 824 00:37:40,960 --> 00:37:43,440 God hates masturbators! 825 00:37:58,100 --> 00:37:59,000 Chase and Brian! 826 00:37:59,150 --> 00:37:59,900 There you are! 827 00:38:00,000 --> 00:38:01,630 Yes. We are here. 828 00:38:01,730 --> 00:38:03,800 So these are your... 829 00:38:03,800 --> 00:38:07,500 Yes. When you invite my hot stripper friends to a party, this is what happens. 830 00:38:08,500 --> 00:38:09,140 You like? 831 00:38:09,390 --> 00:38:11,890 Garçon Model. Our underwear sponsor. 832 00:38:12,140 --> 00:38:14,060 Our bachelor party has an underwear sponsor? 833 00:38:14,160 --> 00:38:15,890 Open bars don't pay for themselves. 834 00:38:15,990 --> 00:38:17,980 Particularly if this one is drinking. 835 00:38:18,230 --> 00:38:20,020 Brian! 836 00:38:20,270 --> 00:38:21,860 I'm having so much fun! 837 00:38:21,960 --> 00:38:22,610 Shelly? 838 00:38:22,710 --> 00:38:25,590 I'm sorry! That hot bartender offered her a "screaming orgasm"... 839 00:38:25,690 --> 00:38:27,100 And she has been downing them like water! 840 00:38:27,200 --> 00:38:28,310 These things are the best! 841 00:38:28,410 --> 00:38:30,740 Look! I'm having multiple orgasms! 842 00:38:30,840 --> 00:38:31,530 Give me those! 843 00:38:31,630 --> 00:38:34,620 Francine, Carter. You're here, too? 844 00:38:34,720 --> 00:38:38,420 Yes. I thought that you'd like to have some of your boring school teacher friends here. 845 00:38:38,520 --> 00:38:41,920 So that you can all ready books, while the rest of us have fun. 846 00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:46,260 So this is what a gay bachelor party is like. 847 00:38:46,510 --> 00:38:48,000 Interesting. 848 00:38:48,100 --> 00:38:50,680 I know. Have you seen the guys at this party? 849 00:38:50,780 --> 00:38:53,220 Brian, you have to get married more often. 850 00:38:53,470 --> 00:38:56,390 Congratulations Brian. Chase. 851 00:38:56,640 --> 00:38:58,020 Wait. YOU'RE Chase? 852 00:38:58,270 --> 00:39:00,770 Shelly, I've told you about him a million times. 853 00:39:01,800 --> 00:39:06,190 Yeah. But you didn't mention that he's GORGEOUS! 854 00:39:06,440 --> 00:39:07,360 Shelly! 855 00:39:07,510 --> 00:39:09,000 I just want a peak! 856 00:39:09,250 --> 00:39:10,570 Pleased to meet you? 857 00:39:11,570 --> 00:39:13,780 Brian, how did YOU land a guy like THIS? 858 00:39:14,030 --> 00:39:16,080 Teach me your secret! 859 00:39:17,000 --> 00:39:18,080 This is the place! 860 00:39:18,180 --> 00:39:19,960 I don't think this is a good idea 861 00:39:20,060 --> 00:39:23,000 Sorry, ladies. Bachelor party tonight. 862 00:39:23,100 --> 00:39:26,840 I am the mother of one of those sodomites, and I am going in. 863 00:39:26,940 --> 00:39:28,550 So move! 864 00:39:28,650 --> 00:39:30,490 Well, when you put it that way... 865 00:39:30,900 --> 00:39:33,750 Put me down you big baboon! 866 00:39:34,000 --> 00:39:35,710 This is my car. 867 00:39:38,980 --> 00:39:40,600 Thanks for your trouble. 868 00:39:40,800 --> 00:39:44,020 You'd better run, you disrespectful heathen! 869 00:39:44,120 --> 00:39:44,900 That's it! 870 00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:46,530 We tried. 871 00:39:46,630 --> 00:39:48,230 Let's go home. 872 00:39:53,620 --> 00:39:56,160 No, no, no! 873 00:39:58,290 --> 00:40:00,500 Irene? Are you okay? 874 00:40:01,000 --> 00:40:04,210 Of course I'm not okay! My son is going to hell! 875 00:40:05,380 --> 00:40:10,420 Chase is supposed to be marrying a woman who can love him and give him a family. 876 00:40:10,570 --> 00:40:16,890 Not having satanic orgies with transvestites and handcuffs, and... 877 00:40:16,890 --> 00:40:20,020 homosexual hamsters! 878 00:40:20,730 --> 00:40:26,130 Irene, is it possible that you don't know as much about gay people as you think you do? 879 00:40:26,230 --> 00:40:27,610 Oh, I know Rose! 880 00:40:27,610 --> 00:40:30,240 I watch The 700 Club! 881 00:40:31,800 --> 00:40:35,200 And now I'm gonna lose my sweet little boy forever! 882 00:40:35,450 --> 00:40:37,450 Tomorrow he walks into a church. 883 00:40:38,790 --> 00:40:40,120 Spits in God's face. 884 00:40:40,500 --> 00:40:46,460 And promises to spend the rest of his life being used and abused by that deviant nephew of yours. 885 00:40:46,710 --> 00:40:47,670 Hey! 886 00:40:47,920 --> 00:40:50,340 You don't get to talk about Brian that way! 887 00:40:50,490 --> 00:40:51,800 Well he is! 888 00:40:52,050 --> 00:40:55,050 A card carrying sado-masochist homosexual pervert! 889 00:40:55,150 --> 00:40:59,140 And we both know why he got a job as a high school teacher! 890 00:41:05,100 --> 00:41:06,520 You know what? 891 00:41:07,690 --> 00:41:10,320 We're going to that bachelor party! 892 00:41:10,570 --> 00:41:13,990 But Rose, they won't let us in! 893 00:41:14,240 --> 00:41:16,600 Oh, they'll let us in. 894 00:41:17,200 --> 00:41:19,940 Hang on to your knickers, sister! 895 00:42:05,250 --> 00:42:07,920 Lady Von Strappon. 896 00:42:08,500 --> 00:42:12,250 And this is my friend, Heidi. 897 00:42:14,090 --> 00:42:16,470 Heidi Sausage 898 00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:30,670 Well? 899 00:42:30,770 --> 00:42:31,820 Well, they're drinking! 900 00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:32,480 Yep 901 00:42:32,730 --> 00:42:34,690 And those boys are in their underwear! 902 00:42:34,790 --> 00:42:35,700 Yay! 903 00:42:35,800 --> 00:42:37,700 And... well... 904 00:42:37,800 --> 00:42:40,990 Oh, heck. I've seen more skin at a Miss America pageant. 905 00:42:41,240 --> 00:42:43,240 Where's all the gay stuff? 906 00:42:43,440 --> 00:42:45,500 The whips? The chains? 907 00:42:45,600 --> 00:42:47,040 The goats! 908 00:42:47,140 --> 00:42:48,150 Goats? 909 00:42:48,250 --> 00:42:50,250 You know what they do with those goats, Rose! 910 00:42:50,500 --> 00:42:53,670 Lady von Strappon, good to see you! 911 00:42:53,920 --> 00:42:55,570 Irene, I really think that... 912 00:42:55,670 --> 00:42:57,260 Alexis! Darling! 913 00:42:59,080 --> 00:43:01,260 Love the shoes! 914 00:43:02,350 --> 00:43:04,790 So... Alexis. 915 00:43:04,890 --> 00:43:07,040 Do you want to tell me why everyone... 916 00:43:07,140 --> 00:43:11,020 ...in this den of iniquity seems to know you? 917 00:43:11,610 --> 00:43:14,230 I should have come clean in the first place. 918 00:43:14,330 --> 00:43:16,080 The truth is... 919 00:43:16,690 --> 00:43:18,610 ...I'm not really Rose Jackson! 920 00:43:18,710 --> 00:43:19,320 No? 921 00:43:19,420 --> 00:43:20,570 No! 922 00:43:20,820 --> 00:43:26,870 I am the Lady Alexis von Strappon der Kinky Boots! 923 00:43:27,120 --> 00:43:32,830 And I am a proud female impersonator impersonator. 924 00:43:34,090 --> 00:43:35,460 What does that mean? 925 00:43:35,710 --> 00:43:38,670 It means I'm a drag queen trapped in a woman's body. 926 00:43:38,910 --> 00:43:39,920 What? 927 00:43:40,120 --> 00:43:41,510 Well it isn't fair! 928 00:43:41,760 --> 00:43:45,560 Drag queens get to wear all those amazing dresses... 929 00:43:45,810 --> 00:43:48,810 and fabulous shoe! And way too much makeup. 930 00:43:49,060 --> 00:43:52,150 And they can say the most scandalous things. 931 00:43:52,400 --> 00:43:54,650 And everyone just thinks it's funny! 932 00:43:55,520 --> 00:43:57,110 Watch this! 933 00:44:00,160 --> 00:44:02,050 Yo! Sweet cheeks! 934 00:44:02,300 --> 00:44:04,170 The zoo called. 935 00:44:04,420 --> 00:44:06,790 They want their anaconda back. 936 00:44:08,060 --> 00:44:09,000 Yeah? 937 00:44:09,250 --> 00:44:15,960 Yeah. And I am an expert snake handler. 938 00:44:16,890 --> 00:44:18,250 Okay! 939 00:44:24,640 --> 00:44:26,180 You see what I mean! 940 00:44:26,430 --> 00:44:29,100 Rose could never say anything like that! 941 00:44:29,200 --> 00:44:31,880 But Alexis can get away with anything! 942 00:44:31,980 --> 00:44:35,190 So you're friends with all these sodomites? 943 00:44:35,290 --> 00:44:36,900 You betcha! 944 00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:39,440 So you didn't want to stop the wedding. 945 00:44:39,540 --> 00:44:40,740 Nope! 946 00:44:40,840 --> 00:44:43,740 You've been leading me on a wild goose chase all day! 947 00:44:43,840 --> 00:44:45,680 You bet your sweet keyster! 948 00:44:45,780 --> 00:44:46,950 I thought you were my friend! 949 00:44:47,050 --> 00:44:49,370 And I want to be your friend, Irene. 950 00:44:49,470 --> 00:44:52,080 But only if you can be friend with the real me. 951 00:44:52,330 --> 00:44:59,250 Because Rose, she might let some of your more colorful statements slide. 952 00:45:00,460 --> 00:45:02,090 But Alexis? 953 00:45:02,340 --> 00:45:07,890 She's going to order a double martini and then call you out on all your stupid bullshit! 954 00:45:08,140 --> 00:45:10,720 You know what, Alexis? 955 00:45:10,970 --> 00:45:16,560 I don't need any female impersonator impersonators as my friend! 956 00:45:16,810 --> 00:45:19,770 So you can take your tacky outfits 957 00:45:20,020 --> 00:45:22,070 and your freaky friends 958 00:45:22,170 --> 00:45:23,550 and you can shove it! 959 00:45:23,650 --> 00:45:24,320 Oh yeah? 960 00:45:24,420 --> 00:45:25,660 Yeah! 961 00:45:30,660 --> 00:45:32,330 Where are those gay goats! 962 00:45:34,700 --> 00:45:37,540 Man, that is not the way that I pictured your boyfriend. 963 00:45:37,790 --> 00:45:39,500 Okay, Carter. I'll bite. 964 00:45:39,750 --> 00:45:41,800 What did you think Chase was going to look like? 965 00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:44,630 Just not... that. 966 00:45:45,420 --> 00:45:47,450 Please! Just one little dance! 967 00:45:47,550 --> 00:45:49,260 I want to dance with my boyfriend. 968 00:45:49,510 --> 00:45:51,680 While he's still single. 969 00:45:51,780 --> 00:45:53,600 Come on Shelly, let's get you some water. 970 00:45:54,320 --> 00:45:55,270 Having fun? 971 00:45:56,390 --> 00:45:57,400 Guess who? 972 00:45:57,700 --> 00:45:59,700 No, I'm terrible at this game. 973 00:45:59,900 --> 00:46:01,320 I'll give you a hint. 974 00:46:03,490 --> 00:46:04,610 Anthony? 975 00:46:04,760 --> 00:46:06,010 What's up, baby! 976 00:46:06,110 --> 00:46:07,990 Good to see you, sexy! 977 00:46:09,110 --> 00:46:10,120 How are you, stud? 978 00:46:10,220 --> 00:46:11,790 I'm good, man. How about you? 979 00:46:11,790 --> 00:46:13,500 Is this Brian? Congrats man! 980 00:46:13,750 --> 00:46:16,120 Anthony got me my first gogo dancing job. 981 00:46:16,370 --> 00:46:19,040 No, this cute little butt got you the job. 982 00:46:19,290 --> 00:46:20,670 I just made the introduction. 983 00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:22,500 Your boyfriend is a stripper? 984 00:46:22,750 --> 00:46:24,300 Gogo dancer. To pay for school. 985 00:46:24,300 --> 00:46:26,830 Your boyfriend is a stripper! 986 00:46:27,090 --> 00:46:29,340 I actually got him fired from his previous job. 987 00:46:29,340 --> 00:46:33,290 They couldn't figure out how it took me two hours to deliver one pizza. 988 00:46:33,540 --> 00:46:36,750 It was their fault for putting you in that cute little uniform. 989 00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,230 I think it was your fault for peeling me out of it. 990 00:46:39,480 --> 00:46:40,610 Yeah, funny story. 991 00:46:40,860 --> 00:46:41,900 Hey Blake! 992 00:46:42,650 --> 00:46:43,750 Phillip! 993 00:46:44,000 --> 00:46:44,780 Hey guys! 994 00:46:44,880 --> 00:46:46,820 Brian! Good to see you! 995 00:46:46,920 --> 00:46:49,700 Glad you're finally making an honest man out of this one! 996 00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:52,030 There was this one time when I couldn't make rent... 997 00:46:52,130 --> 00:46:55,080 ...and they let me crash on their couch for a whole month! 998 00:46:55,180 --> 00:46:58,550 Please. He was on the couch for all of five minutes before he crawled into bed with us. 999 00:46:58,650 --> 00:47:00,000 I was cold! 1000 00:47:00,100 --> 00:47:00,920 It was July. 1001 00:47:01,020 --> 00:47:02,920 Another fun stroll down memory lane! 1002 00:47:03,020 --> 00:47:04,920 -Chase! -Alex 1003 00:47:05,020 --> 00:47:06,090 So good to see you! 1004 00:47:06,190 --> 00:47:09,130 And you must be Brian! Hi! 1005 00:47:09,230 --> 00:47:10,470 Alex got me into art school. 1006 00:47:10,570 --> 00:47:11,140 Really? 1007 00:47:11,240 --> 00:47:14,680 No. I just asked Chase to be a model for one of my projects. 1008 00:47:14,780 --> 00:47:16,220 Nude model? 1009 00:47:16,320 --> 00:47:17,640 How did you know that? 1010 00:47:17,740 --> 00:47:18,890 He's psychic. 1011 00:47:18,990 --> 00:47:20,900 Oh my God! So cool! So fun! 1012 00:47:21,000 --> 00:47:22,560 So there I am sketching him. 1013 00:47:22,760 --> 00:47:24,690 And this one keeps interrupting. 1014 00:47:24,790 --> 00:47:26,110 Well, your composition was like... 1015 00:47:26,110 --> 00:47:29,990 So finally I said, "If you can do better, do better!" 1016 00:47:30,090 --> 00:47:32,820 And I said "Take your clothes off, and we'll find out." 1017 00:47:32,920 --> 00:47:35,540 And I did. And you can imagine where that went. 1018 00:47:36,790 --> 00:47:40,390 So I was lying there looking at the sketch he did of me. 1019 00:47:40,540 --> 00:47:42,710 And it was so real! 1020 00:47:42,810 --> 00:47:43,630 Yeah, funny story. 1021 00:47:43,730 --> 00:47:45,630 Chase, you got a second, honey? 1022 00:47:48,410 --> 00:47:49,660 So what did it look like? 1023 00:47:52,690 --> 00:47:55,300 Chase, how many guys at this party have you slept with? 1024 00:47:55,560 --> 00:47:57,220 I don't know. Most of them? 1025 00:47:57,450 --> 00:47:59,810 Most of them? There's over a hundred guys out there! 1026 00:48:00,060 --> 00:48:00,980 I guess. 1027 00:48:02,850 --> 00:48:05,320 But you know how it is. We were all strippers and barbacks. 1028 00:48:05,420 --> 00:48:06,650 And you slept with all of them? 1029 00:48:06,750 --> 00:48:09,240 Brian, you knew that I slept with other guys before you. 1030 00:48:09,340 --> 00:48:12,490 Yeah, other guys like four or five. I didn't think you were into triple digits. 1031 00:48:12,590 --> 00:48:13,910 Four or five? 1032 00:48:14,360 --> 00:48:16,740 Okay, seriously. What's the big deal? 1033 00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:18,750 We were safe. We're all still friends. 1034 00:48:18,850 --> 00:48:20,050 Yeah, that's the problem. 1035 00:48:20,150 --> 00:48:22,620 All your hot stripper friends are your hot stripper exes! 1036 00:48:22,720 --> 00:48:23,960 Brian, come on! 1037 00:48:24,060 --> 00:48:26,810 You must have sewn some wild oats before you met me. 1038 00:48:26,910 --> 00:48:27,960 Well, there was Dennis. 1039 00:48:28,060 --> 00:48:30,670 Yeah, but before Dennis there must have been... 1040 00:48:33,630 --> 00:48:36,580 Dennis and I are the only two guys you've ever slept with? 1041 00:48:37,010 --> 00:48:40,180 Wow! Seriously? 1042 00:48:40,630 --> 00:48:42,730 How is that even possible? 1043 00:48:42,980 --> 00:48:44,730 Was he in a coma or something? 1044 00:48:44,980 --> 00:48:47,980 Jeez. Even I've slept with more men than that. 1045 00:48:48,080 --> 00:48:49,980 Does that make me slutty? 1046 00:48:50,780 --> 00:48:54,140 How is the fact that I don't sleep around a bad thing? 1047 00:48:54,240 --> 00:48:57,700 The fact that Dennis is the only other guy you've slept with? 1048 00:48:57,800 --> 00:49:00,500 Dennis who you will never fucking talk about. 1049 00:49:00,600 --> 00:49:02,830 You don't understand why that freaks me out? 1050 00:49:02,930 --> 00:49:05,210 No! Because you've only got to worry about one guy. 1051 00:49:05,310 --> 00:49:07,170 While I've got to worry about all of... 1052 00:49:07,270 --> 00:49:09,380 So I should worry about Dennis. 1053 00:49:09,480 --> 00:49:11,210 Okay! Okay! Enough! 1054 00:49:11,310 --> 00:49:12,920 No fighting before the wedding. 1055 00:49:13,020 --> 00:49:16,300 Your man needs more experience. We can help. 1056 00:49:16,400 --> 00:49:18,850 He's fair game till tomorrow, right? 1057 00:49:18,950 --> 00:49:21,350 Is it okay if he's walking a little funny when you get him back? 1058 00:49:21,450 --> 00:49:23,180 What time do you need him home by? 1059 00:49:23,280 --> 00:49:24,690 Flesh pit! 1060 00:49:25,470 --> 00:49:26,890 I can't take this! 1061 00:49:28,460 --> 00:49:29,270 Brian! 1062 00:49:47,420 --> 00:49:49,970 You don't seem to be enjoying your party. 1063 00:49:50,700 --> 00:49:51,690 What? 1064 00:49:51,940 --> 00:49:54,250 You are the guest of honor, aren't you? 1065 00:49:55,000 --> 00:49:58,470 No. That's my fiance. Those are all of his... 1066 00:49:58,720 --> 00:50:00,600 ...friends. 1067 00:50:01,890 --> 00:50:04,270 Chase always was popular. 1068 00:50:05,470 --> 00:50:06,440 Speaking of which. 1069 00:50:12,390 --> 00:50:14,740 There's a thing or two you oughta know about that boy. 1070 00:50:14,780 --> 00:50:16,070 What? You've slept with him, too? 1071 00:50:16,170 --> 00:50:18,110 What? Of course not! 1072 00:50:18,360 --> 00:50:21,660 Then you're the only guy at this party who hasn't. 1073 00:50:21,910 --> 00:50:23,790 There's a hundred guys in there! 1074 00:50:23,890 --> 00:50:24,910 I know. 1075 00:50:25,010 --> 00:50:26,580 How is that possible? 1076 00:50:26,680 --> 00:50:27,710 I don't know. 1077 00:50:29,170 --> 00:50:31,510 A different guy every weekend. 52 weeks in a year. 1078 00:50:31,610 --> 00:50:33,830 I did not ask for a math lesson! 1079 00:50:33,930 --> 00:50:36,820 It's like Chase and his friends have sex the way most people shake hands. 1080 00:50:36,920 --> 00:50:40,500 I'm sure his mother did not raise him to be that way! 1081 00:50:40,750 --> 00:50:43,310 According to Chase she didn't raise him at all. 1082 00:50:43,560 --> 00:50:46,380 She kicked him out when she found out he was gay. 1083 00:50:46,630 --> 00:50:50,440 Hey! Don't believe everything that boy says. 1084 00:50:50,540 --> 00:50:53,360 There are two sides to every story. 1085 00:50:58,350 --> 00:50:59,810 What about you? 1086 00:51:02,580 --> 00:51:04,700 How many men have you... 1087 00:51:04,950 --> 00:51:08,580 ..."done it" with? 1088 00:51:11,220 --> 00:51:12,700 Two? 1089 00:51:13,200 --> 00:51:15,250 In your whole life? 1090 00:51:17,500 --> 00:51:19,330 Are you sure you're a homosexual? 1091 00:51:19,430 --> 00:51:22,470 I like dick! I'm just particular about who it's attached to! 1092 00:51:22,570 --> 00:51:24,050 Language! 1093 00:51:25,700 --> 00:51:28,680 At least you found out before you married him. 1094 00:51:29,940 --> 00:51:32,770 I hope you can get a refund on that cake. 1095 00:51:33,020 --> 00:51:35,100 It's not that simple. 1096 00:51:36,610 --> 00:51:39,280 Chase and I are at that point. You know? 1097 00:51:40,510 --> 00:51:45,440 When we either need to jump in with both feet, or walk away. 1098 00:51:47,370 --> 00:51:51,330 Boy, that is a lousy reason to get married. 1099 00:51:55,000 --> 00:51:55,550 Hey Rose. 1100 00:51:55,800 --> 00:51:57,710 Taking a breather? 1101 00:51:59,080 --> 00:52:00,380 Are you okay? 1102 00:52:00,480 --> 00:52:02,470 You look kind of... 1103 00:52:02,570 --> 00:52:04,350 Brian's being weird. 1104 00:52:04,600 --> 00:52:06,430 Weird? How? 1105 00:52:08,020 --> 00:52:09,310 Tell me about Dennis. 1106 00:52:09,560 --> 00:52:13,270 Chase, you don't want to go back there. 1107 00:52:13,520 --> 00:52:16,640 Rose, I am freaking out. So spill! 1108 00:52:19,120 --> 00:52:22,820 Dennis dumped Brian for some bleach blond home wrecker from the gym. 1109 00:52:22,920 --> 00:52:25,780 No, I mean before that. 1110 00:52:27,590 --> 00:52:29,060 Were they happy? 1111 00:52:29,160 --> 00:52:30,620 Yeah. 1112 00:52:30,870 --> 00:52:32,330 How happy? 1113 00:52:32,580 --> 00:52:35,170 You know. Happy. 1114 00:52:36,120 --> 00:52:38,550 They were always joking around. 1115 00:52:38,550 --> 00:52:42,630 And Brian would get that big old goofy grin on his face. 1116 00:52:42,730 --> 00:52:44,090 You know the one where he... 1117 00:52:44,190 --> 00:52:45,430 Yeah, I know the grin. 1118 00:52:46,900 --> 00:52:49,010 But I thought it was just for me. 1119 00:52:49,260 --> 00:52:51,250 Oh, baby. 1120 00:52:53,350 --> 00:52:56,770 Do you ever feel like Brian just needs to be in a relationship? 1121 00:52:57,860 --> 00:52:59,980 Doesn't everybody? 1122 00:53:01,230 --> 00:53:03,190 No. Not me. 1123 00:53:03,940 --> 00:53:05,680 I was fine before I met Brian. 1124 00:53:05,780 --> 00:53:07,680 I had friends. We had fun. 1125 00:53:10,460 --> 00:53:13,000 I didn't need anybody. 1126 00:53:15,000 --> 00:53:16,540 Not like this. 1127 00:53:19,290 --> 00:53:22,300 But that's a good thing. Right? 1128 00:53:23,000 --> 00:53:25,010 It doesn't always feel that way. 1129 00:53:26,700 --> 00:53:29,180 I thought we were sharing something special. 1130 00:53:29,280 --> 00:53:31,500 Oh, you're "special" all right. 1131 00:53:31,840 --> 00:53:34,190 So tell him it's off. 1132 00:53:34,290 --> 00:53:37,100 I always figured there was a guy, or two, before me. 1133 00:53:37,200 --> 00:53:40,780 But not an entire football team. Or two. 1134 00:53:41,370 --> 00:53:44,070 So go break up with him already! 1135 00:53:44,170 --> 00:53:48,640 The thing is... whenever I try to imagine my life without Chase... 1136 00:53:48,740 --> 00:53:50,830 You'll get over him! 1137 00:53:52,080 --> 00:53:53,310 I don't think I will. 1138 00:53:53,410 --> 00:53:55,540 Don't be melodramatic! 1139 00:53:55,640 --> 00:53:58,030 It's not like you're in love with him! 1140 00:53:58,130 --> 00:53:59,000 Yes I am. 1141 00:53:59,100 --> 00:54:00,460 No, you're not. 1142 00:54:01,630 --> 00:54:06,630 There is a world of difference between being in love, and... 1143 00:54:08,220 --> 00:54:11,250 not wanting to be alone. 1144 00:54:11,500 --> 00:54:13,670 You like playing house. 1145 00:54:13,820 --> 00:54:18,270 You like the kinky unnatural sex acts. 1146 00:54:18,520 --> 00:54:20,310 But that is not love. 1147 00:54:20,560 --> 00:54:21,880 And how would you know? 1148 00:54:21,980 --> 00:54:27,200 Brian, I have not always been an old... transvestite. 1149 00:54:30,390 --> 00:54:31,870 Chase... 1150 00:54:32,120 --> 00:54:34,410 I don't know how to ask this. 1151 00:54:34,960 --> 00:54:38,650 Your mother showed me a picture. 1152 00:54:38,750 --> 00:54:40,250 Actually, it was more of a mug shot 1153 00:54:40,350 --> 00:54:42,740 I am never going to speak to that woman again. 1154 00:54:44,720 --> 00:54:47,090 Then it's true? 1155 00:54:47,890 --> 00:54:49,590 Don't look at me that way. 1156 00:54:53,680 --> 00:54:57,540 Oh, Chase. How could you? 1157 00:54:57,640 --> 00:54:58,940 Let's see. 1158 00:54:59,590 --> 00:55:02,900 My mom had just kicked me out of the house. 1159 00:55:03,150 --> 00:55:04,860 I was sixteen. 1160 00:55:05,410 --> 00:55:08,650 I didn't have a job. I didn't have a place to stay. 1161 00:55:09,860 --> 00:55:11,870 I didn't have anything. 1162 00:55:11,870 --> 00:55:16,540 But this. 1163 00:55:21,680 --> 00:55:23,170 Does Brian know? 1164 00:55:23,420 --> 00:55:27,530 Are you kidding? Brian's freaking out that I slept with guys for free. 1165 00:55:27,730 --> 00:55:31,320 What do you think he'll do when he finds out that I used to get paid for it? 1166 00:55:35,000 --> 00:55:37,640 Don't you think you should tell him? 1167 00:55:37,790 --> 00:55:41,150 Why? It has nothing to do with him. 1168 00:55:41,600 --> 00:55:42,940 That's not the point. 1169 00:55:43,190 --> 00:55:44,770 I knew that Chase likes sex. 1170 00:55:45,020 --> 00:55:46,110 Yeah. 1171 00:55:46,110 --> 00:55:47,990 I mean, he REALLY likes sex. 1172 00:55:48,090 --> 00:55:49,100 I get the point. 1173 00:55:49,200 --> 00:55:51,950 The other day I came home and h was just standing there naked... 1174 00:55:52,050 --> 00:55:54,240 I get the picture! 1175 00:55:55,080 --> 00:55:57,660 So how am I supposed to keep a guy like that happy? 1176 00:55:58,960 --> 00:56:02,000 How long until he get's bored with me and starts... 1177 00:56:02,250 --> 00:56:03,960 Six months tops. 1178 00:56:04,840 --> 00:56:06,170 You're cheery. 1179 00:56:06,600 --> 00:56:08,380 I've been married. 1180 00:56:09,700 --> 00:56:11,130 My man, Earl. 1181 00:56:11,380 --> 00:56:16,640 The number of times he came home drunk as a skunk and smelling of cheep perfume... 1182 00:56:16,890 --> 00:56:18,770 So why did you stay with him? 1183 00:56:19,020 --> 00:56:21,190 Because we were married. 1184 00:56:21,440 --> 00:56:23,650 That's the point. 1185 00:56:23,900 --> 00:56:26,900 When they make you say "For better or for worse". 1186 00:56:27,150 --> 00:56:28,900 They mean "for worse". 1187 00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:30,070 That's dark. 1188 00:56:30,170 --> 00:56:32,110 That's marriage! 1189 00:56:32,210 --> 00:56:37,870 You kids. Some fancy pants supreme court judge says you can get married... 1190 00:56:37,970 --> 00:56:42,690 ...and you think it's going to be all puppy dogs and rainbows. 1191 00:56:42,790 --> 00:56:44,170 I didn't think it would be... 1192 00:56:44,270 --> 00:56:47,210 Marriage is not about the good times. 1193 00:56:47,460 --> 00:56:50,460 It's about the bad times. 1194 00:56:50,710 --> 00:56:55,680 It's about every stupid argument and humiliation... 1195 00:56:55,930 --> 00:56:59,430 and hookers named Suzanne who think they're being clever 1196 00:56:59,530 --> 00:57:02,690 by hanging up the phone every time you answer! 1197 00:57:03,390 --> 00:57:08,070 Marriage. REAL marriage. 1198 00:57:08,980 --> 00:57:13,610 Isn't about finding somebody you like. 1199 00:57:14,100 --> 00:57:17,830 Or somebody who makes you happy. 1200 00:57:18,910 --> 00:57:23,870 It's about finding that one person 1201 00:57:24,120 --> 00:57:27,630 That you just can't live without. 1202 00:57:29,800 --> 00:57:35,810 And then promising to fight it out with him rather than kicking hi lying ass to the curb! 1203 00:57:36,400 --> 00:57:37,650 You're right. 1204 00:57:37,750 --> 00:57:40,930 Of course I'm right. If there's one thing I know... 1205 00:57:41,030 --> 00:57:43,310 Wait! What am I right about? 1206 00:57:43,410 --> 00:57:45,480 What are you going to do? 1207 00:57:53,640 --> 00:57:54,420 Hey. 1208 00:57:55,440 --> 00:57:56,570 Hey. 1209 00:58:00,000 --> 00:58:01,570 So we're having a fight? 1210 00:58:02,900 --> 00:58:03,900 Yep. 1211 00:58:08,000 --> 00:58:09,720 This one feels different. 1212 00:58:10,800 --> 00:58:12,000 Yeah. 1213 00:58:14,670 --> 00:58:15,740 So the thing with Dennis... 1214 00:58:15,840 --> 00:58:18,140 -You're still in love with him. -No. 1215 00:58:19,500 --> 00:58:21,430 But I was. 1216 00:58:22,800 --> 00:58:24,680 And things were good. 1217 00:58:25,000 --> 00:58:28,060 And then he started to get bored with me. 1218 00:58:28,160 --> 00:58:29,820 And he started meeting guys on Grindr. 1219 00:58:29,820 --> 00:58:30,710 I'm not Dennis 1220 00:58:30,810 --> 00:58:32,100 No. But come on Chase. 1221 00:58:32,350 --> 00:58:35,430 How long are you going to be happy with this when you're used to having all of that? 1222 00:58:35,530 --> 00:58:38,040 God! Brian, you make such a big deal about sex! 1223 00:58:38,140 --> 00:58:38,890 Because it is! 1224 00:58:38,990 --> 00:58:42,200 No. It's not. 1225 00:58:43,450 --> 00:58:46,250 Not compared to the things that matter. 1226 00:58:50,630 --> 00:58:55,260 Like how I can be having the worst day. 1227 00:58:56,810 --> 00:58:59,310 And you'll know how to make me smile. 1228 00:59:01,350 --> 00:59:05,270 Or that goofy grin on your face. 1229 00:59:07,400 --> 00:59:09,720 Or waking up in your arms 1230 00:59:09,970 --> 00:59:12,330 And feeling like everything is going to be okay. 1231 00:59:12,580 --> 00:59:15,780 But what happens in a year or two when things star to... 1232 00:59:16,030 --> 00:59:18,950 Then we'll learn tantric yoga. 1233 00:59:19,200 --> 00:59:22,030 Or we'll dress up like gladiators. 1234 00:59:22,280 --> 00:59:24,870 Or we invite Anthony over for a three way. 1235 00:59:25,120 --> 00:59:26,830 I'd be down for that. 1236 00:59:28,000 --> 00:59:29,040 Yeah, it was hypothetical. 1237 00:59:29,140 --> 00:59:30,330 I'm just saying, I'd be down for that. 1238 00:59:30,580 --> 00:59:32,750 The point is 1239 00:59:33,000 --> 00:59:34,550 We'll figure something out. 1240 00:59:34,800 --> 00:59:36,550 Together 1241 00:59:37,520 --> 00:59:39,050 Because I'm not going anywhere. 1242 00:59:40,300 --> 00:59:41,260 No? 1243 00:59:42,290 --> 00:59:43,720 No. 1244 00:59:47,000 --> 00:59:48,600 But... 1245 00:59:50,390 --> 00:59:52,000 There is this... 1246 00:59:53,360 --> 00:59:55,980 ...one thing you need to know about me. 1247 00:59:56,800 --> 00:59:58,240 Something about your past? 1248 00:59:58,500 --> 00:59:59,770 Yeah. 1249 01:00:00,570 --> 01:00:02,240 Is it bad? 1250 01:00:02,500 --> 01:00:04,450 Well, you're sure not going to like it. 1251 01:00:06,200 --> 01:00:09,660 See, I um.... 1252 01:00:10,000 --> 01:00:10,700 I used to... 1253 01:00:10,950 --> 01:00:12,190 Don't worry about it. 1254 01:00:12,440 --> 01:00:13,790 You don't know what I'm going to say. 1255 01:00:13,890 --> 01:00:15,000 I don't need to. 1256 01:00:15,100 --> 01:00:15,630 Brian... 1257 01:00:15,730 --> 01:00:19,750 Chase, I'm in. 1258 01:00:21,270 --> 01:00:23,000 For all of it. 1259 01:00:24,270 --> 01:00:27,000 For every crazy thing about your past. 1260 01:00:27,530 --> 01:00:30,560 For every stupid fight that we're going to have over the next fifty years. 1261 01:00:30,660 --> 01:00:32,810 I want it all. 1262 01:00:33,520 --> 01:00:35,440 So whatever this is... 1263 01:00:36,660 --> 01:00:38,820 Wait until you're ready to tell me. 1264 01:00:40,200 --> 01:00:42,240 Because I'm not going anywhere either. 1265 01:00:44,800 --> 01:00:46,200 You're sure. 1266 01:00:46,450 --> 01:00:48,790 Like I've never been about anything in my life. 1267 01:00:49,040 --> 01:00:51,290 Stop! We're not done yet! 1268 01:01:07,680 --> 01:01:10,400 No! You can't be in love! 1269 01:01:10,650 --> 01:01:12,230 It doesn't work that way! 1270 01:01:12,480 --> 01:01:14,190 Okay buddy, I think you've had enough. 1271 01:01:14,340 --> 01:01:17,150 No! You let me go you big ox! 1272 01:01:17,390 --> 01:01:21,010 I have to stop them! Chase! 1273 01:01:30,000 --> 01:01:32,500 So we're good? 1274 01:01:32,750 --> 01:01:34,250 We're better than good. 1275 01:01:37,790 --> 01:01:39,880 -But there is this... -But? 1276 01:01:40,130 --> 01:01:44,840 Yeah, there's just one thing I need you to change. 1277 01:01:47,800 --> 01:01:49,430 Name it. 1278 01:01:50,200 --> 01:01:52,060 You gotta stop looking down on my friends. 1279 01:01:52,160 --> 01:01:53,100 What? I don't... 1280 01:01:53,200 --> 01:01:54,480 You do. 1281 01:01:54,730 --> 01:01:57,690 It's just they're... 1282 01:01:57,940 --> 01:02:00,700 Yeah. And so am I? 1283 01:02:00,900 --> 01:02:01,860 You're different. 1284 01:02:02,060 --> 01:02:05,500 The difference is that you've actually talked to me. 1285 01:02:05,700 --> 01:02:07,200 You've never given them a chance. 1286 01:02:07,450 --> 01:02:09,450 These guys really mean that much to you? 1287 01:02:09,550 --> 01:02:15,020 Brian, those guys have had my back through some insane shit. 1288 01:02:15,120 --> 01:02:15,900 Yeah, but. 1289 01:02:16,000 --> 01:02:17,420 No buts! 1290 01:02:17,520 --> 01:02:20,040 You've got your mom and your aunt. 1291 01:02:21,350 --> 01:02:25,420 Well those gogo boys and drag queens 1292 01:02:25,670 --> 01:02:28,050 They're the ones that took care of me. 1293 01:02:28,300 --> 01:02:31,850 When I didn't have anybody else. 1294 01:02:33,310 --> 01:02:35,930 That's the family I've got. 1295 01:02:56,000 --> 01:02:57,510 Brian, what are you doing? 1296 01:02:57,760 --> 01:03:00,000 Proving I can be part of the family. 1297 01:03:05,500 --> 01:03:07,380 Oh no you don'! 1298 01:03:12,960 --> 01:03:15,220 You're doing great, babe. Follow me. 1299 01:03:49,560 --> 01:03:52,220 Don't forget about our sponsor! 1300 01:04:24,630 --> 01:04:28,050 Brian! Brian! Brian! 1301 01:04:53,510 --> 01:04:55,160 Take it all off! 1302 01:04:55,800 --> 01:05:05,790 Take it off! Take it off! 1303 01:05:15,170 --> 01:05:18,810 When are we going to have another chance? 1304 01:05:26,740 --> 01:05:30,030 Bachelor Party! Bachelor Party! 1305 01:05:30,280 --> 01:05:32,070 And you call me a trouble maker? 1306 01:05:33,280 --> 01:05:35,860 At least we'll never be bored. 1307 01:05:37,000 --> 01:05:39,280 You still think he should have ended up with Yohanne? 1308 01:05:40,540 --> 01:05:43,370 All right. Boring school teacher is growing on me. 1309 01:05:43,620 --> 01:05:46,130 It's just... 1310 01:05:46,380 --> 01:05:48,920 He's not going to need us so much anymore. 1311 01:05:49,170 --> 01:05:51,460 He's got someone else to look after him now. 1312 01:05:54,220 --> 01:05:55,970 Yeah. 1313 01:05:59,100 --> 01:06:02,770 Goodbye, my little pepito. 1314 01:06:04,070 --> 01:06:07,000 Let me out you stupid jackasses! 1315 01:06:07,250 --> 01:06:09,590 I am not supposed to be in here! 1316 01:06:09,690 --> 01:06:12,610 Relax. None of us is supposed to be in here. 1317 01:06:12,810 --> 01:06:16,740 If there was any justice, they'd be arresting the Johns. Not us. 1318 01:06:17,160 --> 01:06:19,240 I am not a.... 1319 01:06:20,000 --> 01:06:21,790 Never mind. 1320 01:06:24,660 --> 01:06:26,250 You want some gum? 1321 01:06:26,500 --> 01:06:31,550 Does it look like the biggest problem I'm having right now is a lack of gum? 1322 01:06:32,900 --> 01:06:34,760 Sheesh! 1323 01:06:35,600 --> 01:06:37,800 Wait. 1324 01:06:41,690 --> 01:06:43,100 Thank you. 1325 01:06:43,670 --> 01:06:46,810 I'm Tiffany. And this is Chantal. 1326 01:06:47,780 --> 01:06:48,770 Irene. 1327 01:06:50,270 --> 01:06:51,490 What? 1328 01:06:51,740 --> 01:06:55,740 It's just not the most commercial name. 1329 01:06:55,740 --> 01:06:59,160 But you're in one of those weird specialty markets, right? 1330 01:06:59,260 --> 01:07:01,180 When are you going to let me out of here! 1331 01:07:01,280 --> 01:07:04,810 Relax, Grandma. You'll feel better after you've had something to eat. 1332 01:07:05,060 --> 01:07:08,250 Yeah, when are we going to get some breakfast in here! 1333 01:07:08,500 --> 01:07:10,250 I hope it's pancakes this time! 1334 01:07:10,350 --> 01:07:12,500 I do not have time for pancakes! 1335 01:07:12,600 --> 01:07:15,560 In an hour I lose my son forever! 1336 01:07:15,660 --> 01:07:17,420 Oh my God! I'm so sorry 1337 01:07:17,520 --> 01:07:18,620 What's wrong with him? 1338 01:07:18,720 --> 01:07:20,720 He's getting married. 1339 01:07:22,010 --> 01:07:24,210 I take it you don't like his fiancé? 1340 01:07:24,310 --> 01:07:25,540 I should say not. 1341 01:07:25,640 --> 01:07:26,350 Meth head? 1342 01:07:26,450 --> 01:07:27,750 No! 1343 01:07:27,750 --> 01:07:28,600 Heroine? 1344 01:07:28,700 --> 01:07:29,250 No 1345 01:07:29,250 --> 01:07:32,170 Booze? Oxy? Scientology? 1346 01:07:32,170 --> 01:07:36,400 No! He's a high school English teacher! 1347 01:07:38,660 --> 01:07:42,200 Wow. You must really hate teachers. 1348 01:07:42,450 --> 01:07:45,490 That is not the point. 1349 01:07:45,740 --> 01:07:48,080 He is a man! 1350 01:07:48,230 --> 01:07:51,630 My son is marrying a homosexual! 1351 01:07:51,880 --> 01:07:54,540 Doesn't that make your son a homosexual, too? 1352 01:07:54,790 --> 01:07:57,120 He just thinks he is! 1353 01:07:59,700 --> 01:08:06,250 So, your gay son is marrying a sober guy with a good job. 1354 01:08:06,350 --> 01:08:07,890 And you're pissed off about it? 1355 01:08:07,990 --> 01:08:10,310 Of course I am! 1356 01:08:10,560 --> 01:08:13,520 That's the crazies bullshit that I've ever heard! 1357 01:08:13,770 --> 01:08:17,670 I would not expect a street walker to understand. 1358 01:08:17,770 --> 01:08:19,400 Hey! You think I picked this life? 1359 01:08:19,500 --> 01:08:23,640 I'm sure your parents didn't raise you to be a whore. 1360 01:08:23,740 --> 01:08:28,120 No. They were good Christians who threw me out when they found out I like guys. 1361 01:08:28,220 --> 01:08:30,330 That's why I'm on the streets. 1362 01:08:30,430 --> 01:08:32,000 Well I am sure... 1363 01:08:32,100 --> 01:08:33,570 They probably... 1364 01:08:33,670 --> 01:08:36,590 I'm sure they... 1365 01:08:37,670 --> 01:08:41,210 I'm sure they regret it. 1366 01:08:42,800 --> 01:08:43,860 You know what? 1367 01:08:44,110 --> 01:08:46,140 I can fix this. 1368 01:08:49,110 --> 01:08:50,900 You love your son, right? 1369 01:08:51,920 --> 01:08:53,700 Of course I do. 1370 01:08:54,000 --> 01:08:56,430 And you actually kind of like his boyfriend. 1371 01:08:59,550 --> 01:09:02,610 As sodomites go, he seems nice enough. 1372 01:09:02,860 --> 01:09:07,450 And the whole problem is that this books says that they shouldn't be together. 1373 01:09:07,450 --> 01:09:13,000 That book is the holy Bible! And it is pretty clear on the subject. 1374 01:09:13,690 --> 01:09:18,380 And you've got to believer everything in here, no matter how crazy? 1375 01:09:18,630 --> 01:09:21,480 That's why they call it faith. 1376 01:09:21,730 --> 01:09:23,900 Okay then. 1377 01:09:29,210 --> 01:09:30,220 God 1378 01:09:30,470 --> 01:09:32,770 loves 1379 01:09:33,020 --> 01:09:36,060 faggots. 1380 01:09:37,230 --> 01:09:38,770 Problem solved. 1381 01:09:38,920 --> 01:09:40,150 What did you do!? 1382 01:09:40,400 --> 01:09:42,530 It's in the Bible. You have to believe it now. 1383 01:09:42,780 --> 01:09:46,520 Book of Chantal. Chapter one. Verse one. 1384 01:09:46,620 --> 01:09:48,120 God loves faggots. 1385 01:09:48,220 --> 01:09:49,160 Hallelujah! 1386 01:09:49,260 --> 01:09:50,890 Halle-fucking-lujah! 1387 01:09:51,140 --> 01:09:53,120 That doesn't count! 1388 01:09:54,530 --> 01:09:56,540 The words aren't burning off the page. 1389 01:09:56,640 --> 01:09:58,250 Looks like you're stuck with them. 1390 01:09:58,350 --> 01:10:00,110 You just wrote that! 1391 01:10:00,210 --> 01:10:05,550 So when a bunch of dead Babylonians write that God hates your son, you believe them? 1392 01:10:05,800 --> 01:10:08,970 But when I write God loves him 1393 01:10:09,220 --> 01:10:11,890 That's too freaking incredible for you? 1394 01:10:12,140 --> 01:10:15,640 Those men were inspired by God! 1395 01:10:17,000 --> 01:10:19,980 And how do you know I'm not? 1396 01:10:20,620 --> 01:10:22,480 Hey! No touching! 1397 01:10:23,690 --> 01:10:25,240 All right Dame Edna. 1398 01:10:25,590 --> 01:10:28,530 If you've sobered up, you're free to go. 1399 01:10:32,250 --> 01:10:34,100 Is something wrong, Mae? 1400 01:10:34,350 --> 01:10:35,460 Well.... 1401 01:10:35,560 --> 01:10:38,080 Because I thought you took care of that "thing". 1402 01:10:38,330 --> 01:10:40,340 I tried. 1403 01:10:40,440 --> 01:10:41,650 What does that mean? 1404 01:10:41,900 --> 01:10:43,110 What are you two talking about? 1405 01:10:43,210 --> 01:10:45,720 God hates you! God hates you! 1406 01:10:45,820 --> 01:10:49,010 'Cause you're a faggot or a yankee or a jew jew jew. 1407 01:10:49,110 --> 01:10:51,310 --God hates you! God hates you! -What the hell? 1408 01:10:51,410 --> 01:10:55,930 And he hates your filthy masturbating, too! 1409 01:11:11,410 --> 01:11:13,200 Stop! 1410 01:11:13,450 --> 01:11:14,830 What are you people doing? 1411 01:11:15,080 --> 01:11:16,520 Irene! Where have you been? 1412 01:11:16,770 --> 01:11:18,010 "God hates you?" 1413 01:11:18,210 --> 01:11:20,000 Yeah, but only if you're a faggot. 1414 01:11:20,100 --> 01:11:21,210 Or a yankee. 1415 01:11:21,310 --> 01:11:21,860 Or a slut. 1416 01:11:21,960 --> 01:11:22,670 Or a masturbator. 1417 01:11:22,770 --> 01:11:24,070 -Or a banker -Or a real estate agent 1418 01:11:24,170 --> 01:11:25,160 -Or Catholic -Or castrated. 1419 01:11:25,270 --> 01:11:25,960 -Or blind -Or deaf 1420 01:11:26,080 --> 01:11:27,670 -Or disfigured -Or tattooed. 1421 01:11:27,770 --> 01:11:29,550 -Oh have long hair -Or born out of wedlock 1422 01:11:29,650 --> 01:11:31,510 -Or a woman teacher -Or a foul mouthed child. 1423 01:11:31,610 --> 01:11:35,560 Or a slave owner who beats his slaves too death too quickly. 1424 01:11:35,660 --> 01:11:37,310 Stop! Just stop! 1425 01:11:37,410 --> 01:11:39,440 But why? We're just doing what the Bible says? 1426 01:11:39,540 --> 01:11:41,600 It also says "Love thy neighbor!" 1427 01:11:41,850 --> 01:11:45,230 Does any of this look like that to you? 1428 01:11:47,440 --> 01:11:48,960 Hold still baby. 1429 01:11:49,210 --> 01:11:50,860 Did you get any in your eye? 1430 01:11:51,110 --> 01:11:52,070 Mom? 1431 01:11:52,850 --> 01:11:54,240 I can't believe you're here. 1432 01:11:55,120 --> 01:11:58,040 Well, I just wanted to... 1433 01:11:59,260 --> 01:12:00,580 I kind of had to... 1434 01:12:07,160 --> 01:12:08,890 I'm glad you came. 1435 01:12:12,190 --> 01:12:13,550 And this must be Brian. 1436 01:12:13,800 --> 01:12:15,080 I think we've met. 1437 01:12:15,330 --> 01:12:18,260 Not officially. I'm Chase's mother. 1438 01:12:20,730 --> 01:12:23,230 Are you really sure about this? 1439 01:12:23,480 --> 01:12:25,430 Yeah mom. 1440 01:12:27,810 --> 01:12:29,660 I love him something awful. 1441 01:12:32,500 --> 01:12:33,950 Well, I wanted to... 1442 01:12:35,580 --> 01:12:38,040 I have to... 1443 01:12:44,900 --> 01:12:47,550 You take care of my boy. 1444 01:12:51,630 --> 01:12:53,930 Don't you people have somewhere to be? 1445 01:12:54,180 --> 01:12:57,210 It's Sunday! For God's sake get to church! 1446 01:12:57,310 --> 01:12:57,910 But Irene... 1447 01:12:57,910 --> 01:13:00,000 I said "git!" 1448 01:14:00,000 --> 01:14:03,910 You know, I think it's high time those boys gave us some grandchildren! 1449 01:14:04,160 --> 01:14:07,540 I wouldn't mind having some nieces and nephews running around. 1450 01:14:07,790 --> 01:14:09,360 I'll help baby sit! 1451 01:14:09,610 --> 01:14:11,960 I always did like the sound of "Auntie Fantasia". 1452 01:14:12,210 --> 01:14:15,550 Not that we would meddle with their lives or anything. 1453 01:14:15,800 --> 01:14:17,750 Of course not. 1454 01:14:18,000 --> 01:14:19,800 Even if it's for their own good. 1455 01:14:19,900 --> 01:14:21,420 So. 1456 01:14:21,700 --> 01:14:23,930 What do you ladies have in mind? 1457 01:14:25,600 --> 01:14:40,330 (Excited chatter)